ABC today released the first glorious footage from James Franco's upcoming blogosphere-anticipated two-month stint on General Hospital in which he'll portray a villain named Franco — "an artist whose canvas is murder!" This promo is a little hard to follow (not least because we've never actually seen a soap opera before), but from what we gather, Franco and his friend ("two assassins too smart to be caught ... except by each other!") kill a woman, possibly as an art project, and must track down a witness. Our favorite part is when — in a sinister-ish voice that sounds very much like we'd hoped James Franco would sound like on General Hospital — he announces, "The secret to life? Anyone can die at anytime." His first episode airs next Friday, which means first-time viewers have only a little over a week to catch up with the show's 47 seasons on DVD.