That new high-definition television you unwrapped two weeks ago? Throw that shit in the garbage. The Consumer Electronics Show kicks off Wednesday in Las Vegas, where Sony, Panasonic, and others will debut their latest entertainment-delivering technology designed to improve consumers' lives at only the small cost of thousands of dollars. Highlights this year will include expensive-sounding 3-D televisions to help you better enjoy Avatar's eventual Blu-ray release, and the announcement of an exciting alliance between all major Hollywood studios (minus Disney) that will someday, years in the future, let you rent a movie and watch it on any device (minus all of the devices you currently own, obviously, or any upcoming Apple products, which will only play videos purchased through iTunes). Get excited, cash-strapped entertainment fans!