Fair Game star and Chynna Phillips husband Billy Baldwin has been cast to play the role of Keith van der Woodsen on Gossip Girl, according to E! The faithful will, of course, know that this mean’s he’ll be playing Serena’s long lost, non-Grazia-reading, Doctors Without Borders dad. For the non-faithful, he’ll be playing the person whose DNA is supposedly responsible for Blake Lively’s spectacular rack. Let’s go through what this means.
1. Serena’s dad is not going to be some noble saint, as we briefly expected before the hiatus. He’s being played by Billy Baldwin, after all. He’ll probably go after the Bass money.
2. He’s going to muck around with Lily and Rufus’s relationship. See above prediction, re: Billy Baldwin.
3. There’s going to be some awkward mention of Serena’s topless pictures in the tabloids. Billy Baldwin will make excellent use of his pervy eyebrows in this scene.
4. Carter Baizen will return. We see a threesome happening here somehow, but we can’t quite nail it down.
5. At some point, the kids will concoct some ridiculous plot to scare him away, just like they did with all the other villains on the show, like Georgina Sparks, Jack Bass, the Duchess, and Aaron Rose. There’s no way the CW can afford a Baldwin guest star, even a junior-varsity one, for more than a five-episode arc.