Two weeks ago, we phoned Mad Men's Michael Gladis, owner of Sterling Cooper's finest beard, and had him judge the off-season facial hair of his co-stars. Sizing up John Slattery's impressive fuzz collection, he told us, "It's a handsome beard on a handsome man." So when we ran into Slattery at the Second Stage Theatre's 23rd Annual All-Star Bowling Classic at Lucky Strike, we asked him to review Gladis's beard — and he did!
Did you see that Michael Gladis reviewed your beard on our site?
I did! He said something lame, like "He’s got a handsome beard," or some bullshit. He owes me money. That’s why he said that.
Why did everyone grow a beard during the off-season?
I don’t know! It was a coincidence. A mass coincidence.
Jon Hamm doesn’t have one now.
Lorne Michaels made him shave it. Well, Lorne Michaels has that kind of power. I think he got bullied into it, and I think he shouldn’t have pussed out and shaved the beard. It didn’t make him any funnier. No, I think he did it because he can grow it back in five minutes.
How would you describe your own beard?
Haphazard. It’s all right. It’s better than I thought it was going to be. And it’s warmer than I thought it was going to be. It’s cold in New York! It makes me look like Methuselah. Luckily I’m married already, because it wouldn’t be doing me any favors ... I'm not going to go there.
How would you describe Michael Gladis's beard?
Underachieving and desperate. It’s a dainty beard. It’s so dainty. And he dyes it! I’ve seen him in the chair. I don’t know why he dyes it, but he does. I tell you, he’s desperate. And I don’t know what he’s going to do now. He’s got to shave it eventually. I think that’s why he’s so desperate to grow that underachieving beard. He thinks he looks too young. I wish I had that problem.
His beard is full of testosterone. It’s almost like he’s taking steroids. I think that beard is evidence that Jon Hamm has been using. It’s too much! It goes over his nose! It’s like a Fred Flinstone beard.
Anyone else on the cast who has a really impressive beard?
Christina Hendricks, I think, has a really nice beard. She doesn’t show it much.