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The Best Tina Fey Quotes in This Month’s Esquire

Sadly, no rubber chicken.

Everyone has a big stack of every magazine Tina Fey has ever been on the cover of, right? (Even her first, 2004's Bust cover? No?) If not, you should know that the photos and accompanying oral-history-style Tina Fey quotes (not an interview, thank goodness, just Tina talking) in April's Esquire are particularly great, even for Tina. If only all celebrities were as funny and interesting as Tina we could finally, as a culture, do away with the fawning "what did she wear/eat?" template of celebrity journalism for good. (Yeah, it's never going to happen.) Esquire put up a preview, but here are some further highlights from the paper mag, on stands now.

On working with Mark Wahlberg in Date Night:
"No I couldn't see the third nipple. And I was paid to stare at them for a day."

On 30 Rock's "internerd" fans:
"There was an episode where Frank plays this high-pitched sound that only people under 40 are supposed to hear. There were internerds who were like 'I could hear the first sound, but not the second.' And I was like 'Buddies, there was no sound.' It's like that old SNL William Shatner sketch where he was at a Trekkie convention and was saying 'Have you ever kissed a girl?' The amount of thought — I love it, but I'm concerned for these people."

On one of 30 Rock's recent catchphrases:
"Shark farts was one that we ad-libbed and ended up leaving in. The studio asked us not to leave it in, but we left it in."

On not being a party girl (okay, Tina, we get it!):
"I benefit from a lack of curiosity in a lot of areas. I'm like 'Nah, I'm good.' I don't need to make out with ten people. I get it. I don't need to smoke that. I get it."

And, the best part: on applying Mo'Nique's dirty stand-up to her Golden Globes acceptance speech:
"There's a section of her stand-up, and I'm not going to say it — because I feel like I'm already too blue — but the punchline is 'But I like it now.' And so we kept kind of giggling and saying 'But I like it now' after her heartfelt appeal to those who have been molested to come forward."

Tina also leaks a new 30 Rock catchword: "Whuck," an expression of extreme shock. (Something Mo'Nique might say about that last anecdote if she were an uptight, insecure actress and not, you know, Mo'Nique.)

Tina Fey Gone Wild [Esquire]

Photo: Esquire