Vulture

Skip to content, or skip to search.

dancing with the stars

Kate Gosselin’s Return to Dancing With the Stars: All That We Ever Hoped, Plus a Crane

Last night was the finale of Dancing With the Stars, which we'd been paying little attention to since the premature exit of our favorite dancing diva, Kate Gosselin. So the fact that Nicole Scherzinger eventually triumphed over Evan Lysacek was, for us, not of as much consequence as what happened earlier in the show. By which we mean the return of the outed contestants, by which we mean the return of Kate, by which we mean the return of the amazing train wreck that is Kate attempting to dance. And it was, predictably, a joy and a nightmare to behold.

And then there's the dance, a revamp of the crazy "Paparazzi" performance, plus an additional jig to "I Will Survive," in which she rips off her skirt, shimmies around the stage, and then gets onto a cranelike device that hoists her up in the air. While Kate's dancing is just as awkward as always, she does attempt to smile, which makes for a marked improvement from her earlier super-serious frown-y performances (even if this time the grin did veer more toward grimace territory). But once she's up in the air, things start to get really weird. There's a long close-up of Kate in a Jesus-like position, in which she sort of mouths the words from the song and looks like she's about to pass out. Her sweaty face is in ours, we see her mix of fear and elation ... Oh my God, is this what it's like to have sex with Gosselin? But in the end, you have to hand it to Kate: Sure, she looked like a fool, but she earned a reported $500,000 for her DWTS stint. Worth it to suffer America's ridicule? Um, hell yes.

And then there's the dance, a revamp of the crazy "Paparazzi" performance, plus an additional jig to "I Will Survive," in which she rips off her skirt, shimmies around the stage, and then gets onto a cranelike device that hoists her up in the air. While Kate's dancing is just as awkward as always, she does attempt to smile, which makes for a marked improvement from her earlier super-serious frown-y performances (even if this time the grin did veer more toward grimace territory). But once she's up in the air, things start to get really weird. There's a long close-up of Kate in a Jesus-like position, in which she sort of mouths the words from the song and looks like she's about to pass out. Her sweaty face is in ours, we see her mix of fear and elation ... Oh my God, is this what it's like to have sex with Gosselin? But in the end, you have to hand it to Kate: Sure, she looked like a fool, but she earned a reported $500,000 for her DWTS stint. Worth it to suffer America's ridicule? Um, hell yes.