There are three known hallmarks of an eighties movie villain: preppiness, inexplicable cruelty, and puffy hair. All were on display in last night’s episode of The Bachelorette, in the form of Craig M., a dental sales representative from Toronto who is probably the meanest guy to hail from Canada, since, well, um, ever. We were immediately put off by Craig’s smarmy looks and snooty attitude, and when a rivalry developed between him and Jonathan, the friendly weatherman from Houston, we knew it was on — Karate Kid style (“Get him in a body bag! Yeaaaah!”).
Poor Jonathan, mocked by Craig for his profession and the fact that he’s shorter than Ali (who even looks a little like Elisabeth Shue!), was painted as a classic underdog, all chutzpah, wit, and John Cusack puppy-dog eyes. Craig, on the other hand, came off as a sociopath, so strangely focused on making Jonathan miserable that one had to guess there were other issues at work (mainly, producer meddling). But that’s the thing about eighties villains — other than a taste for blood, you’re never really sure about their motivation. Was Craig suffering from insecurity? Was he scarred in some way by another weatherman? We’ll never know; after Jonathan warned Ali that Craig was “dangerous,” Ali got the picture pretty quickly (see their awkward interaction in the clip below), and gave him the boot during the rose ceremony. Jonathan was victorious. “Thanks for having my back this week,” Ali whispered to him as she pinned a rose on his lapel. Craig, for his part, was incredulous. “For Ali not giving me a rose, she lost a huge opportunity. You can’t be serious with someone shorter than you. I’ll leave it at that,” he said. And then he made his way to the limo, presumably on his way to either get a new sensei, pledge the Alpha Betas, or take some practice runs down the K-12.