The trailer for Marvel’s next superhero movie, Thor, starts out promisingly enough: Thor (Chris Hemsworth) may have a golden mane Goldilocks would envy, but he is a manly man! He wears Timberlands and is a scrappy, thuggish fighter who dispenses with secret-service agents like he was trained in “Afghanistan” or “Chechnya.” Alas, it turns out he was actually trained in the celestial kingdom of Asgard, where the trailer sends us for far too long, sharing what we can only assume is just about every beat of the first 30 minutes of the film. After an intense round of name-calling with his father — “You are a vain, greedy, cruel boy” — the Norse God Odin (played by Anthony Hopkins and his floating eye patch), Hemswoth is stripped of his powers and exiled to Earth. There he is discovered by Natalie Portman, initially under the impression he’s a super-cut homeless guy, and himself discovers a magical, Arthurian hammer, which will give him the power of Thor. Shots of Hemsworth actually being Thor, or Thor fighting the film's major villain, Loki, are few and far between (not few and far between: shots of the long lost Rene Russo as Thor's mother), likely because they haven't been filmed and special-effected yet. So despite the trailer's length, we'll have to wait for the second trailer to determine if Thor can really pull that huge cape off.
Watch our new series!
Vulture’s Secret History of Television
Let’s Salute the Worst Superhero TV ShowsView all videos
Most Viewed Stories
What’s New on Netflix: September 2015
Every Netflix Original Series, Ranked
How We Are Your Friends and Other August Flops Were Maimed by Bad Marketing
T-Pain Sure Stunned Tons of People With This Auto-Tune-less National Anthem Performance
Game of Thrones Has Reportedly Found Its Euron Greyjoy
96 Covers Kelly Clarkson’s Performed Live, Ranked
5 Things American Sniper’s Chris Kyle Allegedly Lied About
9 Best New Songs of the Week
Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham: The Great Gay Love Story of Our Time
Kermit and Denise From Marketing Have Actually Been Canoodling for Months
Latest News from VultureBeasts of No Nation Nearly Killed Idris Elba and Cary Fukunaga
Luckily, they're both still alive.How Superhero Shows Escaped Their Awkward Phase and Became a Force on TV
Our latest episode of "Vulture's Secret History of Television."Why Apple Making TV Shows Is a Bad Idea
Does anyone believe that Apple can make the iPhone of TV shows?Glenn Head’s Chicago Is a Titillating, Brutal Comics Memoir
Autobiography at its most sadistic.Gary Busey Rode a Horse Onto Jimmy Kimmel’s Show to Announce That He’s Going to Crush Dancing With the Stars
This might be the image that shows up when you look up majestic in the dictionary.T-Pain Sure Stunned Tons of People With This Auto-Tune-less National Anthem Performance
Go, T-Pain. Go, Dodgers. Go, America.Report: The Concussion Filmmakers Tried Not to Piss Off the NFL
According to emails unearthed in last year's Sony hacks, those affiliated with the movie didn't want to kick the hornet's nest.Amazon Prime Becomes Commuting Hero, Launches Offline Viewing for iOS, Android Devices
Prime subscribers can now pop TV shows and movies onto their phones and tablets gratis.Alabama Shakes’ Brittany Howard Made a Sick Punk Album With Her Thunderbitch Side Project
You need this in your life.Game of Thrones Has Reportedly Found Its Euron Greyjoy
The Danish Joshua Jackson!
Tomato, tomahto.Donald Trump and Joe Biden Are Taking Sides in the Upcoming Late-Night War
The Donald will appear on The Tonight Show the same week "Diamond" Joe joins Stephen Colbert.9 Best New Songs of the Week
There's more to the new Miley album than "Dooo It."Kermit and Denise From Marketing Have Actually Been Canoodling for Months
Here are the pictures.96 Covers Kelly Clarkson’s Performed Live, Ranked
The American Idol alum is known for her audacious live covers. We've finally decided to rank them.What’s Leaving HBO Now: September 2015
In verse.Let Stephen Colbert Give You Driving Directions
As long as you've got Waze.Vulture Is Hosting Two Panels at New York Comic-Con!
Jesse David Fox will interview Seth Meyers, and Abraham Riesman is moderating a discussion on Harley Quinn.Michael Shannon Flip-Flops on Flipper Flap, Fesses Fib
What a flub!Muppets Promo: Scandal’s Huck and Quinn Go Gonzo on Little Gonzo
With a drill, natch.