Vulture’s Stupidest Things of Summer: No. 1 Finally Falls

As the summer trudges on, it’s become apparent that one of the key qualities of high-level stupidity is stickiness — that is, its ability to inspire, attract, and co-opt other cultural products and events, creating, over time, a multimedia agglomeration packed tight around a core nugget of stupidity, like some inedible super-peach growing around a toxic yet fertile pit. This has happened not only with Jersey Shore, Mel Gibson, and Lindsay Lohan — silly things and people that have continued to be silly while motivating others to do the same — but with the list’s less notorious entries as well. For example, the Thor-as-construction-worker-slash-Chippendale image that debuted last week resonates with the house-of-shirtless-werewolves still from Twilight, and both share a bond with The Situation’s endless ab shots. Ke$ha, and her silly lyrics, inspired Kyrah and her sillier shtick. The Showgirls 2 trailer, plenty stupid all by itself, was joined this week by the preposterous trailer for Titantic 2. The Yogi Bear trailer, making its debut on the list today, is an obvious relative of perpetual 10.5 Marmaduke.

Sure, some stupidity is sui generis (Spencer Pratt?), and other stupidity needs time to attract copycats, but in general, for stupidity to be truly substantial, it must roll deep. And thus we are forced to acknowledge that the not particularly generative Vengaboys' song “Rocket to Uranus,” — which had held the No. 1 spot for the entire summer thus far — can no longer remain No. 1. But since its closest competition — Mel Gibson, Lindsay Lohan, and Katy Perry — did not so much surge as hold steady this week, we are hesitant to anoint a new top dog. To put it in sports terms, this week “Rocket to Uranus” lost, but Mel Gibson did not win (truly, he never can). Since the top position is too epic to be grabbed by anything less than a monstrously dumb effort, this week, and for this week only, out of respect for stupidity itself, there will be no No. 1. Be here next week, as stupidity marches on.

1.

2. Last week, Mel Gibson. (Tangentially, if not actually related, was Oliver Stone's ill-advised comment about Jews dominating the media, and then one Jew's effort to inadvertently prove this is the case.)

3. Lindsay Lohan and her cursing nails jump a few spots this week thanks to Michael Lohan's
ballad to his daughter, which is exactly as idiotic as it sounds.

9.Bristol Palin's acting.

5. Katy Perry's whipped-cream dispensing top is the flashier item, but we find her continuing obsession with rubber clothes unhygienic and uncomfortable.

6. Fleshbeard.

7. This week the Jersey Shore entry can be reduced to "Snooki-Gate," or the ridiculous notion that it's a big deal in any way that Barack Obama "flipped flopped" on his familiarity with the Snookster.

8. Look at Thor. He wet.

9.Bristol Palin's acting.

11. Partially because there is no No. 1, but more because we cannot bear to see this one go, we are including a No. 11, the glorious Ke$ha’s lyric, “My steez is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a lovesick crackhead.” Officially bumped off the list, however, is Kyrah, but coming back on, to join Ke$ha for a stupid lyrics of summer entry is Eminem's lyric from potential song of summer "I Love the Way You Lie," "Now you get to watch her leave out the window/Guess that’s why they call it window pane."

2. Last week, Mel Gibson. (Tangentially, if not actually related, was Oliver Stone's ill-advised comment about Jews dominating the media, and then one Jew's effort to inadvertently prove this is the case.)

10. Showgirls 2 trailer, and the Titantic 2 trailer.

Stupid things of summer no longer quite stupid enough to remain on this list:

•Kyrah.
• Chris Brown's tears.
• Jeremy Piven's fishy explanation.
• Meet the Spartans spoof.
• The Last Airbender.
• Parents who hear a toy say the word “pussy” and don’t think of a cat.
• Coolio's misspelled "jugalo" tattoo.
• Shirtless werewolves.
• Jonah Hex.
• Les Grossman.
• Half-Pint Brawlers.

Next week, with a No. 1.