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Gossip Girl Still Hasn’t Returned From the Spa

As usual, you had a lot of pluses and minuses to add on to our Gossip Girl reality index this week. You unanimously decided that for Lily, child-rearing equals redecorating, and lamented the woeful lack of Eric or even a mere mention of him. You loved the train scene with Chair, but hated the casting of someone from Harry Potter as a sexy Parisian chanteuse who seduces Chuck Bass. You also endlessly exposed the problematic issues with French police who apparently have never heard of dental records or fax machines. Hey, give the French a little credit. They helped Tom Hanks catch Leonardo DiCaprio in Catch Me If You Can … so there’s that. (Also, sorry for the delay in publishing, this was our error, not the error of recapper RebeccaRose.)

Realer than Serena Wearing Sequins to the Morgue
Plus 5 to Chuck for shutting the door in Serena's face pretending he doesn't know her because if someone were to show up at my door wearing Michael Jackson's clothes and hair extensions from the mall I would do the same. —ILOVETOMCOLLICHO

Plus 10 for Lily not really understanding why Rufus would know his own son's blood type because at this point she's not even sure her kids have blood. —Havaweber

• Vanessa is so desperate for a friend that she immediately latches on to Juliet and takes her to the health food store. Plus 3, for the desperation/character consistency. —CCSEB

Plus 1000 for Chuck gleaning life lessons from Dick Whitman. —Purpleandgreen

• Vanessa’s shirt and pants are clearly hand sewn from the tattered remains of whatever strips of cloth the 3D Piranhas left in their wake. Plus 10. —Cellardoor

Plus 5 for the Bruce Wayne reference & the writers finally acknowledging Chuck's use of Batman voice! —SouthernComfort

• Does anyone else thing the “We don’t need tickets. I’m Chuck Bass." line sound a lot like Christopher Lloyd's ""Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads." line from Back to the Future? —MSFABULOUSDOTCOM

Plus 10 for Serena's confused face when she gets to the Humphrey loft. You can practically hear her brain making that overheated whirling noise my laptop does when I'm trying to do too many things at once. "Baby? Nate? Dan? So much plaid ... " Poor Serena. —FEED_THE_DUCKS

• Could Milo be Scott's? Georgina did chase him up to Boston. That way, Lily & Rufus will adopt him, giving unemployed Rufus something to do this season? —ICECASTLES

• How forensic did Serena feel traipsing around the city with Inspector Chevallier solving crimes and examining stolen diamonds for fingerprints? Plus 30 because it was like "The Great Muppet Caper" with Miss Piggy and the Swedish Chef, er French Chef. —KDOW3

• "I've been waiting all summer to feel sparkly again, I won't be pulled back into the darkness." Despite being in Paris someone spent their summer watching True Blood. Plus 10. —Starbaby

• Lily breaks out her sole parenting skill: redecorating. Plus 5. —Hookedonbass

• That final scene with Chuck and Blair was amazing. Chuck's face could have been a little more expressive but plus 100000000 points for dressing Blair Waldorf like a phoenix rising from the Bass(he)s. —TheMissingScarf

Faker Than a 19-Year-Old Easily Supporting a Child
• Ahh having a baby at 20, so easy! everyone just stops by with bags of food from the COOP, sings hipster-ized woody guthrie songs with out a care in the world, and step mummy redecorates with Blik monkey decals! Minus 50. —JudgementFace

• "I think you might have the Humphrey jaw, Milo." Minus 3 points as "The Humphrey Jaw" is only formed after at least a decade of chewing waffles. —Fabulous_Nobody

• Juliet could have "LEVEL 9 PSYCHO" tattooed on her forehead and these boneheads still would trust her. Minus 3 because I thought Humphrey would be able to pick out the crazies better, seeing how he was living with Georgina all summer. —Cundela

• So the thieves who shot Chuck and took the ring in Prague eased over to Paris, went to Harry Winston and tried to return Blair's (huge) engagement ring for CASH??? Really, no. Because even European street punks would pawn it. After all, GG writers, it's not the same as returning that Merona shirt to Target. Minus 20. —EVENHERHAIRLIES

• Maybe I now expect every blustery French man to be Gerard Depardieu, but it was distracting that Fleur's uncle was so close, but not quite My Father the Hero. Minus 15. —Trumpet Strumpet

• Did Chuck Bass get upper lip botox or bell's palsy during gunshot treatment? His face is frozen in parts. —Minus 1. Sarcasticmeow

• The deeds to the Empire Hotel look more like grade school spelling bee awards than actual legal documents. Minus only 5, because Serena probably wouldn't have known what they were had they not been marked with big letters and small words. —DaceyLee

• Blair’s known this guy like three days, been on two dates and already she’s meeting the parents? This guy sounds like a stage 5 clinger. —Jnp1013

• Nate's cell phone was programmed for senior citizens.. what's up with the huge text font?? Minus 15. —LPISANIELLO

• Oh another ridiculous thing? Georgina was supposed to have gone to a spa. Dan never noticed that she packed all of her bags and NEVER checked in on the baby? Serena investigated Chuck's possible death, found Chuck, and flew home AND Georgina still wasn't back from the SPA!!!! —Lightyears

Minus 10 for "Fleur", this character is not interesting at all, if they wanted a French girl for Chuck the least thing they could do was cast Marion Cotillard and make it a MILF romance! —SIMONY

• Baby Milo's room should have been redecorated with plaid and waffles. Or plaid waffles. Minus 20. —FeedTheDucks

• Aren't waffles sort of already plaid in their natural state? —maggiebex

• When Serena shows up at the loft in Brooklyn, Lily says excitedly that there's a surprise for her. Did she really think Serena would be thrilled to know Dan has a baby? With GEORGINA? Minus 1. —EMMY LOSER

• Chuck has gone underground, the thief is dead, and there is absolutely no way the police could have forensically pieced together that story about Chuck getting shot because he couldn't let go of the ring. Cute, but lame. Minus 10. —LITTLE_J_S

Photo: Giovanni Rufino/The CW