Vulture

Skip to content, or skip to search.

lit crimes

Guy Who Stole Franzen’s Glasses Was Just Bored

We were sort of hoping whoever stole and ransomed Jonathan Franzen's glasses the other night had some larger agenda. Like, maybe the thief was an Oprah revanchist, a member a fringe group morally opposed to near-sightedness, or at least a stalwart defender of cats' right to go outdoors? Alas, he was just some party crasher who, unsatisfied and ungrateful after gulping down free Champagne, got bored and made a scene. The thief writes, "If you're going to gatecrash a party, the highlight of it surely can't consist of several predictable nervous speeches and vacuous conversations. [Editor's Note: Yes, it can.] So I decided to do something." "Doing something" involved hastily drawing up a ransom note, grabbing the glasses while shouting "that I was with Channel 4 doing a comedy stunt," and then running through a lake, before turning himself over to the police and spending the night in jail. [GQ UK]