Study: Women Always Answer Their Phones Unless They’re Having Great Sex With Someone Else

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From The Onion, Study: Women Always Answer Their Phones Unless They’re Having Great Sex With Someone Else: “The study revealed that 80 percent of the time, women who declined to answer their phones were, at that very moment, being sexually pleasured by a man superior to the caller in terms of looks, genital endowment, and stamina. Researchers also found that a majority of women picked up the phone, examined the caller ID, and told their male lover ‘It’s nobody’ before continuing with sexual intercourse.”