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The Black Eyed Peas Commit Crimes Against Dirty Dancing

Do you remember that time you were watching Dirty Dancing and it came to the big climactic scene at the end when Baby and Johnny dance for the entire hotel to "(I've Had) the Time of My Life" and do the lift properly, and everyone comes onstage and dances with them? And you thought, Wow, you know what would make this scene so much better? If Baby and Johnny were dancing to a version of "(I've Had) the Time of My Life" dreamed up by Will.I.Am! So, like, forget Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes: Now the chorus is Fergie singing a sample of "(I've Had) the Time of My Life," and the verses sound like a less stripped-down "Boom Boom Pow!" Wouldn't that be so amazing?! Wait, you don't remember that? How could you not remember that? Oh that's right! That's because it's not a very good idea! But since not very good ideas have been kind to Will.I.Am before (see: "My Humps"), please enjoy the Black Eyed Peas newest single, the "Time of My Life" sampling "The Time (The Dirty Bit)." (The rest of the Peas' new album, The Beginning, will be out on November 30.) To be fair, except for the Dirty Dancing chorus, which feels shoehorned into the rest of the song, the track's not even that bad — if you don't mind the Peas in thumping, spare, techno style. But the chorus is a bummer, simultaneously playing up all the elevator-music aspects of the original and the hubris of Will.I.Am. (If he says somethings a monster hook, he's going to blast it, even if it's no good.) Bigger can't make this one better, but we're all going to be stuck listening to it anyhow. So, who wants to be first to recut that Dirty Dancing scene?