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Gossip Girl Really Needs to Start Showing More Initiative

As usual, you all seemed torn by this week’s episode of The Greatest Show of Our Time. Though you were pleased to finally get some timid answers to Ben’s thirst for revenge, those answers just seemed to create more questions. Plaid and waffles may have taken a week off, but you reveled in Rufus’s bouillabaisse-induced tantrum and applauded Lily for turning into the Mamma Grizzly of the UES when the weight of her money bags fell flat. You questioned the technicalities of SIM cards and texting and were astounded that, despite usually being worse at scheming than they are at combing their hair, the V-J-J Gang actually succeeded in turning everyone against Serena and withdrawing her from Columbia, while poor Cleavage Rhombus found herself passed out (again) in the back of a cab (again) after being drugged (again). And now, on to this week’s best comments, compiled by commenting duo CCSEB.

Realer Than “Power” Being Blair’s Mantra
While competing for Serena's affections, Nate and Dan seem to be realizing that their true loves are really each other. At one point, I expected them to start holding hands. +10 because the show has made almost every hetero pairing, time to mix it up. —BASSINPOCKET

Serena wears sequins to meet with the Dean. +1 —SOUTHERNCOMFORT

Serena's smug look to the Dean speaks volumes: “You thought I was a stupid and ineffectual guppy…and you were right, but my one spark of genius is attaching myself to Machiavellian masterminds, so in conclusion: I win, and I hate your shoes.” Plus 10 —HOOKEDONBASS

Of course Serena would think the only use for an ID is to rent a car. There's absolutely no other reason to carry one around. People should know who she is. +5 —DOLLASIGNTEF

Dramatic napkin toss over a perceived slight to a homecooked meal? Check. Rufus' transition to a full-on UES housewife is complete! +10 —TRUMPETSTRUMPET

I think the Venn diagram was a realistic touch. Eric and Elliot figured Serena would respond to the pretty circles since she'd probably think they were drawing her boobs. +10 —APATHYONMYSIDE

We've hit that time of the season when the writers don't have any more legitimate reasons to keep Chuck and Blair apart until the end of the season, so they have to resort to pissing us off. Plus 20 for consistency —STILETTO33

I have to comment on the fact that the Vanessa - Juliet - Jenny trifecta abbreviates as V-J-J... a really frustrated V-J-J. Plus 33. —LETSDDDDDANCE

+500 for Blair choosing her career over a man at 19 years old. At 19 I got offended when my boyfriend at the time told me no wife of his would ever work. Now at 27 I will give anything for someone to work for me so I can sleep in past 8 am for once. It's amazing what a few years in the work force will do to a girl's feminist beliefs. —SCOOTERMCGEE

Plus 50 for Nate's comment: "I haven’t been writing Mrs. Dan Humphrey in my notebook." Because even Nate realizes if this Bromance was a Romance, his soft features, luxurious hair, and vacant stare would absolutely make him the girl in the duo. And while Dan is not "manly" per se, his ripped biceps, flannel shirts and love of waffles rival any lumberjack. —IMADESTINATION

I didn't realize until I was just watching the Chuck/Blair scenes again today that both Chuck and Blair at one time during the episode said "I Do" to each other. Blair said it when Chuck asked her if she was going to say something after he professed his love and she said I do. Chuck said it when Blair asked him if he really believed that 2 people in love will find their way back to each other. VERY interesting. +25 for the potential foreshadowing of future I Do's —JPISANI

Vanessa believes awkward pauses mean yes. Finally, we understand how it is that she's been under the strange impression that people actually care about her. She's been coddled into thinking those awkward pauses are a sign of affection her whole life. Plus 10 for the epiphany. —BLONDEPHOENIXRISING

I love that Chuck offered to give Blair money to start her own foundation, aka what he did for Eva. +3 because he is nothing if not consistent and an additional +2 because that is the real reason B turned him down, she didn't want to be treated the same way as that whore —CHUCKISMYPUPPY

Faker Than Blair Reading a Harlequin While Eating Carbs
Didn't Chuck actually give Anne money in season 2 when the Archibald family was in trouble? -10 for her short term memory and blatant lack of gratitude, but -50 for Chuck doing nothing while she disses him at HIS OWN PARTY —NURSELUVBASS

Serena: You're my little brother. You're not enough.
Yeah, you're right Serena. You're not a bad person at all. I totally don't get why your friends and family think you are. I mean, Eric hasn't attempted suicide in years. He can handle that kind of rejection from his own blood. Minus 5 because this seemed unwarranted. —KDOW3

Minus 5 because even Little J could see through her raccoon eyes that Juliet's use of "visual aids" is straight up swimfan-esque

It would take a lot more than a bad blond wig and a lacy mask to make Serena's best friends and assorted lovers mistake Tweedleweave and Tweedlepoor for someone with Serena's...unique characteristics. -100 —THENEXT_MRSBASS

How did Jenny get into the city without Blair hearing the beginning chords of horror movie music and feeling a cold chill run up her spine? Minus 50. —FEED_THE_DUCKS

The Dean of Columbia accepts a text message as Serena's "official withdrawal." Although it's easy to believe that Serena would think this was appropriate, the Dean would not. Minus 3, as this process must require some kind of paperwork...no matter how anxious Columbia and its Dean are to be rid of Serena Van der Woodsen. —DACEYLEE

-50 for Dan not realizing that it was Juliet who kissed him...Lonely boy would know Serena's lip's from a stranger....and -1000 for Nate, Juliet was the last person he kissed, just like Blair knew that it was Chuck she was kissing in the dark back in season two, not Marcus...Dan and Nate belong together. —BOWTIESANDHEADBANDS

If they are just toying with us with a Dan-Nate sexploration, as God as my witness, I will hunt the writers down and make-up their eyes like Taylor Momsen. Those two have more homochemistry than the actual gay couple on this show. —MIMSYUPSON

The idea that Anne Archibald could be the head of any organization claiming to support women's empowerment is enough to drag any episode into fakedom. Minus 50. —EMMYLOSER

I call bullshit on Serena’s shopping Sophie’s choice. Both of those outfits had no cleavage and a respectable non-cooch bearing hemline. -5 —THEMISSINGSCARF

There's no way Serena's resume has that many lines. Unless it's just a list of guys she's slept with. Minus 10. —HLW780

Verizon phones use CDMA, not SIM therefore no cards therefore the whole Kraken/Rat’s Nest/Does-Own-Hair po’ boy alliance’s plan is completely impossible. Minus 10 —JNP1013

Juliet was willing to call off her entire Serena vendetta last week, all because Man Bangs batted his pretty eyelashes at her, but this week she's more psycho than Gothic Barbie and Homeless Spice combined? Natefusing! Minus 10. —BIRKIN_BAG

Nate advising Chuck on reading between the lines is kind of akin to Jenny advising Rufus on how to make the most delicious waffles or Dorota giving English lessons to Lily. Minus 5. —PURPLEANDGREEN

Photo: Giovanni Rufino/The CW