This fall, movie studios are set to unload an avalanche of predictable film-branded products, from glowing Tron sneakers and Gryffindor hoodies to armies of Disney dolls with very long, Tangled hair. But there are also bound to be some bizarre tie-ins that achieve true, head-shaking, "what were they thinking?" awfulness, like the new $795 Jerome C. Rousseau Tron shoe, which looks like a robot's gills. And we didn't get here by accident: Movie merchandising is a long, horrible highway of branded gunk, dotted with the flaming wrecks of misguided and misbegotten junk. So come with us, as Vulture takes a journey through the stupidest, most useless corners of our shared, officially licensed cinematic heritage.