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Season of the Witch Trailer: Nicolas Cage Will Try Your Patience in Chain Mail

Clocking in at around two and a half minutes, the trailer for the much-delayed Season of the Witch feels like it is at least twenty. Despite all the clashing cymbals, clanging armies, an old dude with half a face, and Nicolas Cage's dirty-blond bouffant, our attention wandered at least a dozen times. Sure, one should not expect all that much from the union of the two major genres bumping uglies here — medieval action movies and Nicolas Cage films — but, nonetheless, there's really no excuse for something this boring. Anyway, from what we had to just about Clockwork Orange ourselves to gather, Cage is a former crusader who has been tasked with bringing some girl who everyone else thinks is a witch from Point A to Point B. The two of them have a special relationship wherein he can see past her "crazy" bangs and tell that she is not all bad. Or is she?!? Anyway, some people wear Eyes Wide Shut masks, the director ganked some special effects straight from The Mummy, and we now have a formulated position on Nicolas Cage period pieces, which is: No.