the globes

Fug Girls: The Best and Worst Outfits at the 2011 Golden Globes

There was an amusing progression on this year’s Golden Globes red-carpet show: Things moved from, “She looks great!” to, “….Hmm, she looks….interesting” to “Huh?!” to “TILDA SWINTON!” to the two of us throwing up our hands and making the “touchdown” sign when Jennifer Lopez alighted from her limo. Maybe the celebrities were just more self-aware this season — those who brought the crazy hustled it out there at the last second — and maybe it was just a magical fluke of scheduling, but either way, we appreciated the dramatic arc. So we’ll try to echo it in our slideshow of bests and worsts from the night’s sartorial offerings, from nice to naughty to nonsensical.

Related: The Fug Girls Live-Blog the Golden Globes Red Carpet

The True Grit star looks lovely, poised, age-appropriate, classy, and above all, like she’s thoroughly enjoying herself. Taylor Momsen, take look at what you could have been.
In a sea of green – seriously, we counted at least four women in the hue – Zeta-Jones and her full-out Hollywood Glamour ball gown stood out the most. Sure, it helps that she’s crazy gorgeous and apparently doesn’t age, but we also have to give CZJ props for managing to work what is essentially a hoop skirt without looking like she’s wearing Scarlett O’Hara’s curtain dress.
We’re happy Sofia picked out this great red Vera Wang, with its surprisingly funky back, but we hate her for making us question our relationship with Pringles. Because Pringles are obviously the only thing keeping us from looking exactly like this. Right.
At last year’s Globes, Tina’s twee Zac Posen was universally panned for its cutesy poofy skirt, awkward length, and dubious fit. What an upgrade: There’s something delightfully retro about the velvet and ruffly sleeves (photos don’t do them the same justice that TV did), and the deep v-neck is super flattering. Bonus points for working a jewel tone that isn’t green. Liz Lemon would be thrilled to know how hot she is.
Hathaway was clearly inspired by reruns of Dynasty. The bad news is that this is less Alexis Colby (in other words: bad ass and turban-wearing) and more Krystle Carrington (slather the camera lens with Vaseline and then “passionately” “kiss” an octogenarian on a bear-skin rug). Wrong choice.
What do you suppose she’s trying to tell us here? We’re never going to figure it out. So full of mysteries, this one.
Okay, we’re pretty sure she didn’t ride to the Globes in a Mustang, but it appears entirely possible that Scarlett spent the entire commute to the Beverly Hilton hanging out the limo window, and then finished her coiffure by squatting under a hand-dryer in the ladies’ room. Her hair is so bad, it renders the dress beside the point.
We love the color, and, like Batman’s Two-Face, half of this is lovely. The other half, however, boasts a rogue sleeve – or, rather, A Sleeve – so blousey and extreme that we worry her left arm actually may have some kind of growth that needed hiding.
Fifty bucks to the first person who can explain to us why Michelle Williams decided to wear our grandmother’s kitchen café curtains. This dress actually looks like it smells dusty.
Her undergarments look amazing, but where’s the rest of it?
J.Lo reliably brings it to these things – the infamous Grammys naval-baring gown, the mink lashes, the whole J.Lo-ness of her – but we never expected the “it” here would be a sheer demi-cape made from someone’s discarded bridal veil.
This Vivienne Westwood is legitimately cracked-out. But let’s get real: Do you want Helena Bonham Carter to show up places wearing a demure ball gown and a neat chignon? Because we think that would be terribly boring. In fact, HBC told the ladies at NBC that her look was “evil witch fairy,” and we salute her for at least knowing herself. Besides, without her, whatever would we have to talk about?
Fug Girls: The Best and Worst Outfits at the 2011 Golden Globes