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Did the Black Eyed Peas Stop You From Switching to the Puppy Bowl?

Hating on the Super Bowl halftime show is about as original and insightful as hating on the Grammys — but we do that shit all the time! So: That was a bit of a mess, huh? Not an epic bungle, to be sure: The Black Eyed Peas, and their “surprise” guests Slash and Usher, carried their tasks out in an orderly and, to the untrained eye, as-planned fashion, even if the vocals were predictably underwhelming. But it still felt clumsy and bewilderingly underplanned: Presumably most of the visual 'wow' factor was supposed to come from the army of Technicolor-suited dancers forming into various song-appropriate shapes throughout the field — but the cameras mostly spent their time zooming on the Black Eyed Peas, and they mostly spent their time standing around. Then again: The more time we have with Will.I.Am’s future hair, the better.

Five other stray thoughts: (1) Vulture is aware that Fergie has previously covered “Sweet Child O’ Mine” with Slash, but wouldn’t “Welcome to the Jungle” or “Paradise City” have been better choices in that situation? (2) Both Usher and the Black Eyed Peas entered the stage via harnesses from an indeterminate point in the sky; were they just hanging out in that giant Jumbotron the whole first half, playing pinochle in their space outfits, waiting for their cues? (3) Usher jumping over Will.I.Am into a split was pretty cool, but — and with all due respect — how much better of a dancer is Chris Brown at this point in their respective careers? (4) Congrats, unloved Peas Apl.de.ap and Taboo: You guys really made the most of your time up there, and (5) why the hell did the dancing Fox NFL robot not get a cameo?