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Gossip Girl Really Knows How to Tap a Vein

Valentine’s Day on the Upper East Side was more about family values than love. Our beloved UESider’s made us question, once again, Serena’s level of intelligence, Rufus’s constant steps toward becoming the perfect househusband, Dan and Blair’s “Harry met Sally” non-friendship, Lily’s constant flow of never-ending suitors out for revenge, and Chuck’s increasingly bizarre behavior regarding his feelings for Raina. The Thorpes reaffirmed that blood is thicker than water, but what remains to be seen is whether the blood on the UES is indeed thicker than Damien’s spray tan. And now, on to your best comments from this week’s Gossip Girl recap.

Realer Than Wall Street Not Needing a Sequel:

• Lily to Chuck: “Whatever price you pay for what you’ve done, that’s on you.” Sing it girl. We all know that Chuck’s emotion over losing his business and losing Raina (and Eva before her) aren’t really about the business or true feelings for anyone else: It’s about the fact that he couldn’t see the line between businesses and love in the first place when he traded Blair for the Empire. Plus 100 - BLONDEPHOENIXRISING

• Lily: “Hello Daniel. Have you seen Charles?” It’s comforting to know that, even in the most turbulent of times, Lily maintains her commitment to only referring to everyone by their complete names. +10 - NEVERHAVENEVERWILL

• Plus 100 for Leighton Meester’s gorgeous lip quiver, but minus 1000 for Chuck Bass once again being the one to put the quiver in her lip. Bad Bass! - UESIDERZ

• Damien caught Eric around the collar like the Sticky Bandits did to Macaulay Culkin. - JESS108

• plus 100 for Blair who so obviously wanted to cry after seeing Chuck’s love for Raina, not. She’d never let the help see her cry, let alone hold her hand. - BAKEYOU

• Rufus brings the Love Actually and then like the true househusband he is, he gets blue balled by Lily. The poor guy could have probably used “some air” at Chuck’s party. Plus 1 - JNP1013

• Does anyone find this plan to keep Bass Industries just a little too diplomatic and tasteful? Where is the ripping and the shredding, the scheming and the conniving, the slandering and the deporting? Oh, that’s right ...it’s at W magazine. While Chuck dates that boring business drone, Blair has apparently made off with his wit and mojo. - BLONDEPHOENIXRISING

• Serena was happy drinking beer and playing pool? Dan...you drink cosmos and play bridge with Nate. Stop trying to fool other men. Minus 10 -VARTA

• Chuck needs to have visions of Bart again so he can grow a pair. My homeboy is softer than Rufus’ sweaters lately. (-9) - CHUCKISMYHOMEBOY

• So, Dan (remember, Brooklyn!) dares to hold Blair’s hand while Chuck is still in the next room! And Rufus stands like a cater waiter holding a V-Day tray at which Lily barely looks! What a long way these Humphreys have come. Plus 10 for them - ANINDIANGGFAN

• During brunch, Chuck pitched his idea to win Russell over - whose outfit completely out-purpled his. We should have known something was up. +2 - NIKOLE0602

• Somehow even in his tough street outfit and skullcap, Damien still appeared to have about a pound of rouge and lip-gloss on. Trust funds might be frozen, but Euro trash is forever. Plus 50 - FEED_THE_DUCKS

• Serena being too stupid to take the card that betrays the lie she just told Blair about where the RL dress came from nets +25. Every moment is blonde. - KADUZY

• All that was missing from Chuck’s party was Jenny suddenly emerging from a Gaga-esque egg and scaring the hell out of everyone. -UESIDERZ

• Minus 100 for The Captain (and his dim-witted son) believing that it’s a good idea for an ex-con to hand over his key card to the company’s enemy. Um, that crap can be traced, fool! - BRANDIE_LARUE

Faker Than Dan Paying $2500 to Attend Chuck’s Party:

• If Damien is “under the microscope” like he says. How does no one know that he spend the evening literally lurking in a dark alley and then marched Eric off to certain death? Minus 5 -PURPLEAND GREEN

• Why were Dan and Eric in Long Island City. Those schnitzels are not THAT great. -4 - NYCGG4233

• Lily’s reaction to being removed from the board is so blaze, even my boyfriend said, “Wow, she’s cold.” +4 the number of letters in WASP - SOUTHERNCOMFORT

• 10 for that tacky replica of Venice or whatever. -10 for Chuck falling for anyone who-well, anyone really. No wonder everyone’s hopping onboard the Dair ship. - JESS108

• Blair would never set foot in a Duane Reade. Her pharmacy would be Zitomer, really. And she would make Dorota go for her. -15 - IDIDNOTSLEEPWITHCHUCKBASS

• The party cost $2500 and gave one day’s notice...yet Dan was there. Plus 5 - BLAIR_BASS

• There is no way a bunch of 20 year olds go to these parties to not get hammered. You don’t go home after to watch a movei or sulk, you pass out. Minus 100- STILETTO33

•...Blair is wearing PANTS in the opening scene? -3 , because, no. - SECRETSANDGIN

• Blair and Dan are watching Rosemary’s Baby together? -5 But I would have switched that to a +5 if Blair makes a catty Georgina’s Baby joke. So easily Dan forgets when he was fathering the spawn of the Sparks. - ANNIE_IN_NY

• Ben thought he could keep his new job as a high end cater waiter a secret from Serena? This is only his fourth episode out of the pokee and he’s already attended four catered events with her. Minus 5 - KDOW3

• There were Irish Wolfhounds at Chuck’s party? No. If Chuck were to have an animal at his Valentine’s Day party- which is unlikely- but if he were, they would be something more exotic than large dogs. Jaguars, tigers, believable. LARGE DOGS? No. Minus 20- VARTA

• Plus 5 for The Captain and Nate thinking that leaking private corporate documents and giving unauthorized personel access to buildings and information -five minutes after you’re out of prison for all things corporately inappropriate—is a positive decision. Brains run in the family after all. - DACEYLEE

• Dan keeps referencing his experience as a cater waiter like he did it for years. Wasn’t it more like a week? He would have no pull in that company to get an ex-con a job there. -3 - CHUCKISMYPUPPY

• - 1 to the writers for putting Blair and Dan in a When Harry met Sally moment. No matter how hard you try to convince us, they are not meant to be together. ( And Blair would never dot her Is with hearts.) - GUMDROPCOOKIES

• Blair tells Serena to treat herself to a night out? Seriously, Serena lives every damn day of her life TREATING HERSELF TO A NIGHT OUT. Blair should know this, as she has been living in Serena’s drunken, hair extension-laden, boob-filled, Louboutin Bianca-wearing shadow her entire life. -20 JULIEFB

• Nobody on the Board had any previous knowledge of Lily & Thorpe’s relationship? This woman carries out her love affairs in the tabloids , and this one was apparently serious enough that it broke Thorpe’s heart, and put him on a road hellbent for revenge. Doubt very seriously that at least one person wouldn’t know about that. -5 - VALTERLAW

Photo: CW