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the greatest show of our time

Gossip Girl Recap Recap: Gossip Girl Is a Working Woman

This week’s episode of The Greatest Show of Our Time had it all: backstabbing, manipulation, creepy albeit purposeful incest innuendo, a little theater, and, of course, even some cocaine for good measure. But, really, are we surprised? We have learned time and time again that on the Upper East Side, these are simply the makings of a party to remember (Kiss on the Lips, anyone?). Many of you were split over the pending futures of our favorite Chairs and Dairs. Let’s hope that next week’s episode offers a little resolution for the diehards among us. And now, on to the Recap of the Recap.

Realer than Double Parking on Fifth Avenue:

• While everyone else is busy with international drug deals, billion dollar business takeovers, high-pressure magazine jobs and psychopathic ex-cons, Nate gets high and plays videogames. +25 —NINAK27

• Of course Vanessa would send Dan hand-written letters. She probably used a vintage quill from the 18th century, stained the paper in tea to make it look antique, and quoted Proust up the wazoo. Plus 5 because you'd think her time churning butter in Vermont would lesson the pretentious in her and up the Amish but, apparently not. —KDOW3

• Chuck's face was practically glowing in the limo after Lily slapped him. +5 —NEVERHAVENEVERWILL

• Dair kiss is obviously only one episode away. Can´t wait to see Blair´s face after that. Plus 66” —CINDERELLE

• This is the second week Nate's friends have whored him out for their schemes. Plus 1 for everyone finally realizing he's really only good for that smile and a joint. Plus another 1 for him cheerfully going with it. —KATAVINA

• +20 for Dan turning more and more into blair, forget baseball, banishing Vanessa is the new pastime! —ABCISEASYAS123

• The "sex scene" with Ben and Serena was set to sexy, romantic, euphoric and yet peaceful music, but all I was thinking was when he was going to produce a pair of handcuffs from his pocket-writers love irony. No points. —JESS108

•s: what are you doing here?
d: "i'm leaving- this just went from 'women on the verge' to 'saw 2,' i don't like gore porn really." plus 3 —NOTENOUGH

• How many of the Van der Humphreys have now intentionally or inadvertently been drug mules? Interesting common bond. Plus 25 for each one. —BLONDEPHOENIXRISING

• + 20 for the voyeuristic parting shot of Blair sleeping against Dan because now I understand how Gossip Girl gets all her info: late-night breaking and entering coupled with hidden cameras. It's like Homeland Security for the rich and nubile. —CAPTAINFETUS

• Serena talking about her piece of toast in the opening scene:
"It's perfect. It's the perfect amount of toasty
Plus 5. —ODWALLACUCUMBER

• Raina has been on this show for what, five episodes, and she is already on to her 2nd male cast member? Plus 10 for the super sonic speed of entering into the Gossip Girl triangle-square-incest love affair. —NOCTURNELLE

• +5 that the Van Der Woodsens bonded over hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of drugs, bribery, forgery, blackmail and trust funds. Awwwww. —PURPLEANDPAISLEY

• Nate getting crisp white rental skates from a stand at Wollman Rink. We all know you have to wait in an hour-long line for a beat up blue pair of rickety skates. Minus 50. —MICHELLEATL

• +10 for Vanessa telling Dan that he's become "one of them!" meaning the UESiders, which she tells him in every other episode since the first episode of season 2, and is intended to make him feel touched and go back to his roots... but the plus ten is for him ignoring her whining about that - yet again - and going back to the party to enjoy himself. —GIMMEYOURPOTIONS

Faker than a Brooklyn-Hippie-Manhattan-Wannabe Getting into an Earth-Destroying, Gas-Guzzling Cab:

• Why did Eric and Serena open all the presents? wouldn't they be looking for the present that said "Love Grandma CeCe" ? or "Love Mommy" ? I mean Serena was opening tiny presents and Eric opened Blair's bowl..., why wouldn't they know by the size and shape of certain presents that they weren't A CHECK BOOK. -5 —COURTLOVESDS

• While flagging down a taxi Vanessa manages to overhear Ben and Damien's conversation perfectly. Okay, I always knew V was a muppet but I never knew she had some sort of supersonic hearing ability. Minus 5. Oh, and minus another 5 for this distraction not causing Vanessa to lose sight of where she was and get hit by a car. —JUSTSAYYES

• Serena plays Scrabble? Seriously, how many different ways can you spell cleavage and legs? Minus 10. —JULIEFB

• Did they say that Raina is now the new chairwoman for Girls Inc? I thought Nates Mom didn't give the opportunity to Blair because she "associated" with Chuck Bass!! How is Raina different?! -10 —GOSSIPMOM

• Also, Serena's worried about Lily seeing her in "last night's clothes." Since when has any Van der Woodsen woman worried about a walk of shame? - 50 — MIMI52000

• to me the most improbable part of the show was that there was only 1 slice of pizza left when Blumphrey fell asleep. no way in hell they ate 7 slices! (-7) —CHUCKISMYHOMEBOY

• -5 for Eric wearing that same toggle coat for like 3 episodes in a row. I mean come on Dan has more coats than that and he doesn't even have a trust fund. —OHWOWSERIOUSLY

• -5 for the hor-ren-dous Birthday Party Theme. It looked like Chuck-E-Cheese vomited in Lily's apartment. Talk about gauche! —LINDSAYD

• Minus 15 (pounds) for Serena eating birthday cake. Yeah, right.
—BRANDIE¬_LARUE

• It’s kind of become a toss-up as to who has more balls left, househusband Rufus who flounces around basically telling Lily “you go girl!” or one-heartbreak-away-from-being-a-Taylor-Swift-song Chuck. Minus 10 because it shouldn't be a contest, writers! —JNP1013

• When, exactly, did Dan write his sappy minions-as-friends blog? He never even sat down at the desk before picking up the purple post-its, and taking off to score the "fertilizer," which he then wheeled into the pre-party prep at the VDW-B-H apartment a while later. Minus 5. —CLASSOF2008

• There is no way that Raina wears a size 7 1/2 shoe. She clearly wears at least a 10, and poor, adorably clueless Nate would clearly make fun of her for it and ruin the seduction/whatever that was. -10 —TRUMPETSTRUMPET

• For all the scheming these UESers do, you think they would have learned to close the door when there's a party going on in the other room. -4 —HARLOWBLAIR

• Blair Waldorf does not eat pizza, gourmet or otherwise. -15 —CHUCKISMYPUPPY

Photo: Eric Liebowitz/The CW