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the greatest show of our time

Gossip Girl Recap Recap: Vibration Is a Terrible Thing to Waste

Despite having its fair share of absurd plot points, the Greatest Show of Our Time still managed to string along its loyal viewers this week. From Chuck’s decision to pull on Raina’s heartstrings and not just her drawstrings to Blair’s ambitious quest to get Epperly’s strings plucked, our favorite Upper East Siders had plenty of tricks up their sleeves. But, in the midst of new twists and turns, some things never change. Serena continues to throw herself at every male character without the good sense to file a restraining order. Nate’s everyday life still revolves around plaid shirts and solo billiards sessions. Dan insists on trusting his invariably wrong, self-righteous instincts. And Eric still has no friends! We can only hope next week’s episode will not disappoint, but, as Gossip Girl says, “Getting what you want always comes with strings attached.” So, without further ado, onto the best comments of the week, brought to you by gossipCON.

Realer Than Blair Celebrating More Fashion Weeks Than Birthdays
• “Only Serena would have to call her voicemail to find out she doesn't have a new message instead of simply looking at her phone screen. +3” —HARLOWBLAIR

• “Eric: "If anyone should have to leave the city, it should be Ben." Yes, the non-rapist schoolteacher fresh out of jail is certainly less deserving of a place in the city than the international drug dealer. Sounds like a Van der Woodsen with a crush, so plus 2.” —PURPLEANDGREEN

• “Having Ben and Dan live on the same loft should make things less complicated for Serena, logistics and all. She won't have to remember extra addresses and odds are she'll find one out of the two when she stops by.” —GIPSYQUEEN

• “Blair actually acknowledged that the Humphrey loft is in Dumbo, not Billyburg. Plus 50.” —ODUNDE

• “Dan is spending all his time scowling in the kitchen and passive aggressively rearranging the dishes? Looks like his transition into Rufus 2.0 is complete. +5” —ANNIE_IN_NY

• “A book is a thoughtful present, unless you are over the age of six and say this when you give it: 'I remember every book you read to me.' Do teachers read to their students beyond the third grade?? This would be negative points if anyone else had said it, but plus 3, because let's face it — it would be a stretch to assume Serena has advanced to a middle-school reading level.” —IMNOTSLYDEXIC

• “It looked as though Raina had actually eaten food during her lunch with Chuck. A girl on this show consuming more than berries, coffee and self-loathing? Plus 3. But, Raina is from Chicago, so that makes sense. Wash.” —CCSEB

• “Chuck Bass has monogrammed pool balls. Yes, and yes. +10” —ELLEHM

• “It wouldn't be surprising if Ben and Serena looked alike because Lily actually hooked up with Ben's father in her rebellious days and Serena and Ben are really half brother and sister. Plus 3 because by Serena's logic she would continue to pursue Ben seeing as he's really just another stop on her path of incest.” —JUSTSAYYES

• “Everyone shows up at the W party wearing a coat except Serena, who shows up in a sleeveless dress and a scarf. +10” —MIMI52000

• “Plus 1 for Blair reminding Epperly that she's a full time student. At least she remembered.” —BRANDIE_LARUE

• “Serena wore jeans. She almost looked like a real person. +1.” —JTSTE1

• “So Serena stays up all night at Dan's apartment waiting to find out if Ben is ok in skin tight jeans, an 80's cutout sweater, and some sort of stiletto boot with silver tassels on them. I guess that's what she had laying around after she took off her Little Mermaid dress from the W party. +5 for inappropriate outfit consistency.” —KEDAGD

Faker Than Eric Wanting to Pop In Call of Duty to Celebrate Ben’s Demise
• “Minus 2 for the title "Panic Roomate" which has more to do with Leighton's movie The Roommate, than the plot of the episode.” —CHIYORK

• “Raina, you're not a serious business woman. You miss meetings, you wear inappropriately low-cut dresses and fishnets to the office, and your only actual duty appears to be going to parties with your dad. Minus 5.” —KDOW3

• "'I guess I didn't realize how deeply you felt about it.' Rufus, just because living on the UES with Lily has sucked away all your ability to feel doesn't mean your 20 year old son is going to be indifferent to you springing a surprise ex-con roommate on him. -2” —CHUCKISMYPUPPY

• “When he met up with Damian, why was Eric dressed like a '20s era hobo? All he needed was a tin can and a bandana on a stick. Minus 5” —APATHYONMYSIDE

• “-5 for Damien ... someone has been taking the "T" in "GTL" way too seriously ... ”—HOYAGIRL05

• “Ginger sesame caramel popcorn. more quality food that was never touched. I bet A-Rod and Cameron would like it tho. (-1)” —CHUCKISMYHOMEBOY

• “Minus 30 for Blair's work skirt. That pattern looked like a maze made of glow sticks. She was going to work, not a rave in the 90s. And worst of all, there's no way Blair Waldorf would wear anything that made her look hippy.” —FEED_THE_DUCKS

• “The W editor (or whoever Epperly was) would not have three separate blackberries, all for different W tasks. It's a little-read magazine, not the Pentagon. -5” —HAZEL_IS_UGLY

• “Giving someone who just got out of jail a classic book about someone stuck in prison. -30” —MISSEMMAMM

• “The way Ben speaks makes it seem like he's afraid we'll forget his character's name. "Serena, I'm sorry I've BEN the way I've BEN ... " -1” —GUMDROPCOOKIES

• “Chuck never hid in a corner and drew artwork on the floor — he was wearing a little suit and giving out stocks and bonds as birthday gifts, remember? -5” —BLAIR_BASS

• “Dan didn't want to bother Rufus because he has so much on his plate. I'm sorry, but what does Rufus have on his plate? Besides waffles. Minus 1.” —ICH_BIN_CHUCK_BASS

• “On what planet does a college intern at a major fashion magazine manage to get promoted to a full-time assistantship while she's still a full-time student, after only working at the magazine for two weeks? Have you seen The Devil Wears Prada? Minus 10.” —BLONDEPHOENIXRISING

Photo: Giovanni Rufino/The CW