Madonna and Lady Gaga may have cornered the market on the black pleather and whips on white backgrounds corner of the S&M-themed music-video world, but Rihanna is refusing to cede them the entire territory: She'll do S&M if she wants to, she's just going to make it really, really goofy. In her new video for the straightforwardly titled "S&M," Rihanna has all the props (black tape, leashes, mouth gags) and all the getups (Rihanna under plastic wrap, Rihanna tied up, Rihanna dressed like a pink sperm — who wore it best? Rihanna or Woody Allen?), but she's also got the crazy colors, her best hair yet, nineties-era video techniques (fish-eye lense, shaky screen), and people jumping around like they're in a No Doubt video. It's S&M as a clown party. The vibe of the video is encapsulated by the bit when Rihanna puts Perez Hilton on a leash and walks him around the yard: That's funny, but it's not sexy.