Who has time to prescreen friends, roommates, and fans for psychotic tendencies anymore? You’re a busy person on the go, and you can’t spend days on end carefully selecting a stalker whose obsession with you will go unnoticed until sometime in the middle of the second act when things inevitably escalate. Fortunately, Vulture is here to help! In honor of Leighton Meester getting her crazy on while bunking with Minka Kelly in The Roommate, we’ve assembled an easy-to-use flowchart that will make it simple to pick the movie stalker who’s right for you. Need someone who can harass your best friend, homoerotically copy your look, and harm animals or herself to get your attention? You’ve come to the right place!