Each year, the Writers Guild of America hands out its awards with two ceremonies, one on the East Coast, one on the West. Both were held Saturday night, and this year, as always, the East Coast's ceremony proved to be far, far less starry than the West's, with the likes of Judah Friedlander and John Larroquette presenting awards in New York as winners like Aaron Sorkin and Christopher Nolan accepted in Los Angeles. Good riddance, we say. Who wants to sit through actual acceptance speeches when WGA East host Kristen Schaal was transforming into the winners "through her acting ability" and delivering the speeches instead? (One winner, apparently, was a chain smoker, the other Latin. It is unclear if Schaal had any idea who the winners were.)
In no uncertain terms, Schaal killed it, from a lip-synched opening number filled with hot male dancers to multiple wardrobe changes, each more ridiculous than the last. (She claimed to have killed a genie for his outfit in one instance, and it looked like it.) As was fitting for an awards show for writers, Schaal's performance was filled with biting jokes. She promised to avoid anything Gervais-like: "I will not be telling jokes like, 'Betty White is so old she's on a show called Hot For Grover Cleveland.'" In order to make up for the low number of female to male nominees, Schaal promised to deliver "two monologues, one regular and one vaginal." And she made slight reference to lack of diversity elsewhere among the nominees (at the WGA, and at the Oscars): "Black Swan is up for an award. Or as non-racists like me call it, The Swan." Only The Daily Show's Wyatt Cenac, a presenter, did her one better. "I'm apparently one of five minority members of the Writers Guild," he said, waiting for the laughter to die down. "It's funny because it's embarrassing." Below, a clip from Schaal's opening monologue. The petition for her to host any and all future awards shows begins now.