Ever since 50 Cent’s horrific weight-loss photos from the set of Things Fall Apart — the latest in a seemingly never-ending string of comically low-budget movies from the former rapper — first surfaced, we knew we were in for something special. How special, though, wasn’t made clear until this morning, when the movie’s official trailer was released. Featuring a kind-eyed Ray Liotta, a super-locked-in Mario Van Peebles, and, of course, Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson as a promising college football player struggling with a debilitating disease, it is, truly, a quiet masterpiece of unintentional comedy. Our five favorite things:
1. It really sounds like 50 couldn’t fit the fee for the regular-trailer voice-over guy in the budget, so had to settle for the guy who does the novelty-trailer voice-overs. That makes the line “Deion Barnes had it all until life got in the way” roughly 10,000 times more awesome than it otherwise would have been.
2. It’s obviously a stretch for 50, at 35 years of age, to be playing a college kid. But that souvenir-shop-rasta-hat-quality wig? It just shaves the years off.
3. At one point, to show us that he’s getting sick, 50 has to take a tumble onto a locker-room bench. What an actor!
4. According to our friend the novelty voice-over trailer guy, this is “Curtis '50 Cent' Jackson in the most critically acclaimed role of his career.” There are no quotes from critics provided. You’re just going to have to take novelty voice-over trailer guy’s word on this one, okay?
5. At the very end, scarily skinny 50 is in a nifty white shirt and tie combo, sprinting while crying. Then he puts his hands in the air in a bit of personal triumph, and the image freezes. It’s it’s incredible.