By now, you're probably familiar with Rebecca Black and her magnificent "Friday" video, that very viral ode to the weekend, partying (partying YEAH!), and the difficulties of choosing a seat in your friend's car. (If you aren't, today is Friiiday! Friiiday! It's the perfect day to watch it!) Discovered, aptly, last Friday, the video has since racked up 13 million YouTube views, made Rebecca a household name, and introduced the world to the Ark Music Factory, an L.A. production company that makes cheesy-yet-brilliant music videos for wannabe tween pop stars. The problem is: Ark Music charges parents to produce these videos (and one of the producers insists on rapping in a majority of the songs). But worry not, aspiring Ark stars! Vulture spent many hours with the back catalogue to determine what exactly makes an Ark Music Video so successful. We offer them to you now, free of charge, in the hopes that you will go forth and Auto-Tune. To the Ark!