Vulture

Skip to content, or skip to search.

virgin whore complex

Last Night’s Bachelor Finale Was Black Swan vs. White Swan

The White Swan/Black Swan metaphor may be just about played out, but we still couldn't help noticing how completely White Swan/Black Swan last night's Bachelor finale was. In the episode, brunette Chantal (Black Swan), who has great chemistry with the Bachelor Brad, faced off against blond Emily (White Swan), who has a child and a tragic backstory. Just how big was the dichotomy between the two swans? Let's see!

- Chantal is a big-boobed brunette divorcée with an ankle tattoo.
- Chantal's first act upon stepping out of the limo was slapping Bachelor Brad Womack in the face on behalf of "every woman in America." (Brad famously was the only Bachelor ever to break up with both women in the finale.)
- Chantal and this season's crazy-aggressive bad girl man-eater, Michelle, were at constant odds, often going to Brad and telling him that the other was not right for him.
- Chantal declared her love to Brad early on and cried inconsolably in front of him multiple times.
- Brad took Chantal on a bunch of fun adventure dates like swimming with sharks and doing zip lines in Costa Rica.
- On a group date where the girls had to model for a Sports Illustrated swimsuit shoot, Chantal took off her top and rolled in the sand and showed the world and brad her huge (natural) ta-tas. Then she cried inconsolably later in the date.
- On another date, they got caught in a downpour in Costa Rica and had to run up to Brad's hotel room to change, and Chantal ended up wearing Brad's shirt with no pants, which of course led to a steamy make-out session.
- Brad and Chantal spent the night as a couple in the fantasy suite. Brad talks about their "electric connection" and "passionate kisses."
- For the finale, Chantal chose a black gown with black feathers on the shoulder; for the After the Final Rose ceremony, she chose a red gown and black nail polish.

- Emily is a blond Southern belle with an angelic blond 5-year-old daughter, Ricky. Most of her story line revolved around how her race-car-driver fiance died in a plane crash and then later on that week she found out she was pregnant.
- Brad's first words to Emily were, "You are beautiful. Can I hug you? You look so perfect I just wanted to hug you."
- Most of Brad and Emily's dates consisted of sweet picnics with Brad saying she was his dream girl via voice-over. On group dates he got criticized for spending most of his time taking care of Emily and making sure she was okay.
- Brad's confessionals about Emily often centered on what a lady she is and how she makes him want to be a better man.
- On the hometown date, when Brad met Ricky, he refused to kiss Emily at the end of the night out of respect for Ricky being upstairs. Emily eventually talked him into it.
- Brad and Emily spent the night in the fantasy suite, but only after she told him she just wanted to talk and didn't want any funny business because she wanted to stay a role model for Ricky.
- On their final date, Emily spent a lot of time grilling Brad about whether he was ready to be a dad.
- For the finale, Emily chose a floor-length cream gown; for the After the Final Rose ceremony, she wore a white minidress.

And, as always — SPOILER ALERT — the Bachelor went White Swan. White Swan never works out! Why, Brad Womack? Why? When one of the universal guidelines for choosing a mate is someone you want to get with all the time, why choose someone you put up on a pedestal and respect so much you refused to kiss her one night? Even Emily thought it was weird. As she said on the After the Final Rose special, "I was watching it thinking, well I would have picked her! I mean, honestly, they had so much fun together. And then I watched ours and I look so boring and I was falling asleep on our dates, and I wanted to ring a bell in my ear. I am not this uptight girl that I come across as. I like to have fun, too. And I just felt like if I was given dates where I got to go diving with sharks and going down freaking lines in the jungle, I would be fun, too!"

Not to mention the fourteen-year age difference between Emily (24) and Brad (38), the couple revealed on ATFR that they'd already broken up once in the three months they'd been a secret couple, mostly because of all the fights they had over what Emily saw watching The Bachelor and how she felt "dime-a-dozen" given how much attention Brad paid to the other girls. They had planned for the date of the ATFR to be their wedding date, but had to postpone it after all their fighting. Emily also said she wasn't ready to move to Austin, Texas, to be with Brad just yet, and they both hesitated when host Chris Harrison asked if they still consider themselves an engaged couple; Emily wasn't wearing her ring. But in the end, that proved to be a red herring. Brad brought out Emily's ring, which he'd had sized for her, and slipped it on her finger again. They actually seemed pretty grounded and in love, and we liked their honesty about having to work to keep their relationship intact. Could White Swan have been the right choice after all? (Probably not!) Or is this just a reminder to all contestants of The Bachelor not already following The Rules: The Bachelor may sleep with the black swan, but he'll only put a ring on the white swan.