Technically Ellen DeGeneres was the first person to get Jon Cryer, innocent bystander of the Charlie Sheen Roller Coaster of Violent Torpedoes and Preposterous Lawsuits, to weigh in on the fascinating situation. But seeing as the temp bit he did on Ellen wasn't that funny and came before Sheen went after Jon specifically, we're going to credit Conan with landing the real Cryer scoop. Jon's not quite ready to have a serious conversation about what the hell is going on in his former colleague's brain — but he is ready to make fun of Charlie, by making fun of himself ... by confessing that, as Sheen declared, yep, he's a troll. "You have no idea how much time and money I've spent on electrolysis and hair dye and reconstructive surgery so I can look like this," Jon explains. Nicely done, Conan and Jon! Also: 10 thousand million bonus points for not making any references to "tiger blood," "warlocks," or "goddesses" and still being really funny.