Highly-Accurate Cost of Laughing Index Predicts Humor-Starved Apocalyptic Future

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Turns out, all of us will be living in a barren, hideous distopia à la The Road come 2012.  It just won’t have anything to do with the Mayan calendar. According the 2011 Cost of Laughing Index, the price of laughter will soon force us to tell jokes made of people. PEOPLE! Based on “a compilation of 16 leading humor indicators, including rubber chickens, Groucho glasses, comedy club tickets and the fee of writing a TV sitcom,” the index indicates that amount Americans pay for comedy has gone up 3% in the last year, though I will point out that both farting and falling down remain absolutely free.

“We’re on a path to a future devoid of mirth and merriment,” “humor consultant” Malcolm Kushner fears, based on the highly scientific index that he developed. While most humor-related costs are sky-rocketing, there is at least one vital comedy element that is still within reach of the working stiff. “In 2010, a box of 12 whoopee cushions was $3. Now, a year later, the price has deflated to $1.20,” Kushner says. Yeah, if you buy them at COSTCO!