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Randy Quaid’s Hot New Single, ‘Star Whackers,’ Explains Everything

As previously established, Randy Quaid and his wife Evi think an evil cabal of assassins known as "star whackers" are out to, you know, whack them. This is, understandably, a tough assertion for the masses to accept. It doesn't mean it's definitely not true, of course — more often than we'd care to acknowledge, claims that at first sound like wild-eyed conspiracy theories do end up containing at least a kernel of truth. The problem is, Randy and Evi aren't necessarily the best ambassadors for the "star whackers" theory: Their biggest platform to defend the allegations, a lengthy profile in Vanity Fair, ended up just making them sound even crazier than before. So what do you do when the whole world is turning a blind eye to truth? Randy Quaid knows: You co-opt that sadly ignorant world's ingrained communication channels. Herewith, Randy with his band the Fugitives, rocking the hell out of his new radio jam, "Star Whackers." You get it now, yes?