The Missing Bronx Zoo Cobra Tweets The Deets, Probably Hides In My Toilet Tank


If I wasn’t so sure it was currently crawling through the plumbing up to my apartment, I’d probably enjoy the Bronx Zoo Cobra’s Twitter even more than I do. Having disappeared from it’s enclosure on Saturday, the liberated cobra is out on the town and seeing the sights, particularly the sight of my terrified screaming face as it leaps out of my utensil drawerand  onto my neck. “Enjoying a cupcake @magnoliabakery. This is going straight to my hips. Oh, wait. I don’t have hips. Yesss! #snakeonthetown,” it tweets. So cute! That thing is going to lay eggs in my mouth when I’m asleep.