Courtney Love gave an epic interview to the Fix this week that is ostensibly focused on her battles with addiction, but true to form, she couldn’t resist a little bit of name-dropping. Okay, a lot of name-dropping, and when Courtney Love is telling celebrity stories, you’d best believe that they’re wild, crazy, and potentially slanderous. Here are nine anecdotes from the piece, stripped of identifiers — can you figure out which star she’s discussing and/or dissing?
1. Guess the hard-partying celeb!
“[She] called me after she was arrested. The judge presiding over her case was the same judge who presided over mine. He was a very sweet man. I think he was an ex-alcoholic himself. I told [her] to just get it together and trust the judge, and [her] father called me for advice every day. I’m not even that friendly with these girls. What am I, a junkie Auntie Mame?”
a. Paris Hilton
b. Christina Aguilera
c. Lindsay Lohan
2. Guess the former drug buddy!
“She was lying unconscious in the bathroom at Rod Stewart’s house. I reached into her massive boobs and I pulled out a tennis ball filled with a substantial amount of blow and 80 milligrams of Oxy. I tried to flush everything down the toilet. But there was a person there who begged me to keep the drugs so we could use them later. I was like, ‘No, no, the drugs must be flushed! The West Hollywood sheriff is outside.’”
a. Janice Dickinson
b. Kelly Osbourne
c. Amy Winehouse
3. Guess the famous rocker!
“My drug counselor did Ayahuasca with [him] one time and [he] spent an hour chasing a bee through Joshua Tree.”
a. Steven Tyler
c. Axl Rose
4. Guess the former beau!
“I’ve been really open about all the sexual aspects of my life, particularly when it comes to these showboats who love to be talked about, people like [him].”
a. Billy Corgan
b. Edward Norton
c. Michael Pitt
5. Guess whose posterior provided a shameful moment of drug-taking!
“My bottom was snorting blow up [her] ass!”
a. Pamela Anderson
b. Stevie Nicks
c. Lisa Loeb
6. Guess the pill-pushing celebrity combo!
“It’s all [this actor’s] fault, really. He handed me a pill right before the show and said, ‘Courtney, take this, it’s like Vicodin without the aspirin.’ It fucked me up bad. [An actress] slipped me a similar pill a few months earlier. I’m such an addict that I just swallowed them both, without asking what they were. So thanks to [this actor] I ended up accidentally getting addicted to benzos, which went on to plague my life.
a. Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan
b. Matthew Perry and Sharon Stone
c. Andy Dick and Winona Ryder
7. Guess the Courtney Love parodist!
“A few months ago, at a party in Hollywood, [she] did a pretty spot-on imitation of me. She wrapped a bandage around her boobs and tumbled down a flight of stairs with a bottle of Jack Daniels in her hands.”
a. Scarlett Johansson
b. Chelsea Handler
c. Emma Stone
8. Guess the indie frenemy!
“The truth is that she was always an awful cocktease, and she was obsessed with my husband, but Kurt just hated her. It’s crazy that she’s presenting herself as his intimate friend.”
a. Kathleen Hanna
b. Kim Gordon
c. Donita Sparks
9. Guess the target of her litigiousness!
“[He] even framed my amends letter to him … ‘I was on a whole lot of drugs for a few years and I sued you. I feel like a retard, I’m sorry, please accept my apology.’ He was cool with it.”
a. Dave Grohl
b. Jim Barber
c. Jimmy Iovine
1: c, 2: b, 3: b, 4: a, 5: a, 6: c, 7: a, 8: b, 9: c
Courtney Comes Clean [Fix]