Happy Endings Recap: ‘The Girl With The David Tattoo’ And ‘You’ve Got Male’

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The first episode last night, “The Girl With A Dave Tattoo,” focused on Max’s extremely picky dating habits. “I’m a chubby Chris O’Donnell, which in Chicago is like a regular Chris O’Donnell,” he brags, while shutting down British hottie Adrian. After he blows off yet another beautiful man for liking Dave Matthews Band or wearing a braided belt, Jane gently points out that Max will truly never know whether or not he did standing up, or if it was he himself who was stood upon. Which inspires a kind of manic gay scavenger hunt, ending with a midnight showing of Showgirls. (“Two, please, for Jessie Spano’s boobs,” Jane cheerfully tells the ticket agent).

Meanwhile, Brad and Penny reveal what an excellent comedic duo they make in this week’s episode, where they accidentally get a waiter fired for, well, rank incompetence. Penny is sympathetic but almost dies of a pecan allergy; Brad is insistent that a gift basket will make up for ruining the waiter’s life. As you can imagine, it does not. Dave and Alex wrestling with removing each other’s name tattoos from their flesh. I’m not going to lie, as charming as I find Elisha Cuthbert and as excellent a straight man as Zachary Knighton makes, I don’t really buy them as a couple with any kind of sexual chemistry. A gag that had them panting in bed, only to reveal their squeals were the result of the tattoo removal laser, made me cringe. I know I complained before that the writers had dropped their wedding drama too early, but…I’d buy any other relationship match-up within the group before I could wrap my mind around these two doing it.

The second episode of the night, “You’ve Got Male,” had Max falling for Ian, the owner of new Starbucks-esque gentrification hot spot Nick’s, despite the fact that Max kinda, sorta may have started the movement to get the coffee shop kicked out of their neighborhood. “Looks like someone has a reason to have his cell phone turned back on,” he boasts, before realizing he had already beaten up Ian’s brother while he was wearing a giant latte costume. Whoops! But just like in the Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan rom-com, sometimes you have to decide between finding love and crushing a local business. “I’m just a guy standing in front of another guy, realizing this is a really weird way to handle this,” Max confesses to Ian, despite having maybe incited an angry mob against his business.

Meanwhile Jane and “Lance Charmstrong” Brad apply for a barista position at Nick’s, to prove to one another which is more effective in an interview: preparedness or personality. This competition naturally evolves into dueling seductions of the owner. Wayans has never looked more like his dad then when he perked up at the idea of boning his way to a personal victory over his wife, and it is a delight. Dave’s Steak Me Home Tonight truck is doing a brisk business, despite being bested by the bahn mi vendors with their delicious carrots and crops daikon and general superiority to all other sandwiches. Fortunately Dave’s high school mentor Mr. Fitzgerald is in town, and he is happy to whip up a little slaw he discovered in Phuket, which will definitely earn Dave a win at the Truckies. After Mr. Fitzgerald asks out Penny, she soon realizes his worldliness is more a symptom of his emotional instability/massive debt then it is his personal charisma. Not wanting to destroy Dave’s The Dead Poets Society memory of high school, Penny makes a huge container of repulsive slaw, which luckily was left to rot in some landfill somewhere since Dave swept the Truckies anyway.