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Summer TV’s Best (and Worst) Bets

Summer TV used to be a rerun wasteland, with maybe a game show or two thrown in to make it clear you hadn’t slipped into a time portal and traveled back to February. But those days of vacationing networks are long gone: This season has more shows, and more new shows, than ever. Cop shows, decor shows, fantasy series! — oh, if only all of it were good. Here, we break down this summer’s most and least promising new and returning shows, genre by genre.

Sure, these shows have been around for a while, but they’re staples for a reason.Best bet: So You Think You Can Dance (Wednesdays and Thursdays, Fox) For its first few years, SYTYCD was positioned as the American Idol of dance. But that comparison doesn’t completely hold anymore: SYTYCD has more interesting week-to-week themes, more coherent and legitimate judging, and far fewer obvious losers. Good bets: Intervention and Hoarders (premieres June 20, A&E) aren’t strictly summer fare, but their new seasons stick with the formulas that have been working for the shows for years. Risky bets: Big Brother (July 13, CBS) and Celebrity Rehab (June 26, VH1) fill all the “crazy people living together” needs a voyeur could possibly have, and America’s Got Talent (Tuesdays and Wednesdays, NBC) and The Bachelorette (Mondays, ABC) continue to find people willing to degrade themselves based on the small possibility that they are special.
Food contest shows and food documentary series abound!Best bet: Hook, Line and Dinner (Tuesdays, Cooking Channel)Ben Sargent, of renegade lobster roll fame, follows different seafood dishes from catch to consumption. It’s not the newest concept in the world of food television, but if Deadliest Catch taught us anything, it’s that fishing can be pretty compelling. Plus, Sargent is one of the few current food hosts who only has one show. Good bets: Food Network Star (Sundays, Food Network) is still going strong seven seasons in, but if you prefer your competitive cooking with a side of screaming, Fox’s Hell’s Kitchen and Masterchef (premiering June 7 and July 19, respectively) both feature plenty of Gordon Ramsay’s hemorrhage-tempting rants. Family Restaurant (August 16, We), set within a family-run Chinese restaurant, is like early-era American Chopper in a good way. Risky bets: Rocco’s Dinner Party (June 22, Bravo) features chefs competing to cook for reality vet Rocco DiSpirito’s gathering. Sugar High (August 8, Food Network) stars Duff from Ace of Cakes on a tour of American dessert places, which takes away the best part of Ace of Cakes: his co-workers and their insane cakes. Man v. Food Nation (Mondays, Food Network) expands the Man v. Food concept to have the famous and common folk alike join Adam Richman in tackling the dangerous food beast.
’Tis the season for non-taxing, oft-whimsical, stand-alone USA-and-TNT-based cases and mysteries!Best bet: Necessary Roughness (premieres June 29, USA) Callie Thorn plays a psychiatrist and hypnotherapist in a relatively by-the-numbers doctor-heal-thyself light drama. But she’s charming and so is the supporting cast, especially Marc Blucas. Good bets: White Collar (Tuesdays, USA) and In Plain Sight (Sundays, USA) get more mileage out of their buddy setups than their brethren do, and Leverage shows that crime pays at least occasionally. Risky bets: Suits (June 23, USA), whose leads are virtually indistinguishable, making its underqualified-genius-becomes-lawyer plot even less interesting. But to be fair, it’s not that bad. None of these shows are that bad, actually: Covert Affairs (Tuesdays, USA), Royal Pains (June 29, USA), Rookie Blue (June 23, ABC), Flashpoint (Fridays, CBS), Rizolli and Isles (July 11, TNT), The Protector (June 12, Lifetime), Memphis Heat (June 14, TNT) — all completely ordinary but competent procedurals. Photo: Quantrell D. Colbert/? USA Network
Let no one doubt the continued reality boom: There is no occupation, hobby, or B-lister too fringe or innocuous for at least 30 minutes a week.Best bet: Sand Masters (The Travel Channel, Wednesdays) Forget all you knew about bucket towers and moats dug out with your fingers: These sand sculptures are insane. The workplace reality genre is well saturated, but watching the construction of these elaborate designs is enthralling. Cake tools! They use cake tools. Good bets: Whisker Wars (premieres August 5, IFC) is about competitive beard growing, and that alone is worthy of at least morbid attention. Commercial Kings (June 24, IFC) centers on Internet stars Rhett and Link as they make awful yet fantastic local commercials for small businesses. And Ice Loves Coco (June 12, E!), which follows Ice-T and his wife Coco, is surprisingly endearing for a celebreality show, partially because of their amazingly cute bulldog, Spartacus. Risky bets: Staten Island Cakes (June 21, We) follows Vinny, the proprietor of a fancy bakery on Staten Island who also lives at home with his parents and sister, who mostly scream at each other. Ryan and Tatum: The O’Neals (June 19, OWN) follows Ryan and Tatum O’Neal as they attempt to reconcile after a 25-year estrangement; more power to them, but televised therapy is perhaps not the way to do it. Finding Sarah (June 12, OWN) is ostensibly about Sarah Ferguson’s quest for self worth, and again, more power to her, but the show could be called “Sarah Ferguson Talks to Oprah’s Experts,” which isn’t quite as empowering for viewers. Nail Files (June 21, TV Guide) is about a celebrity-populated nail salon; Haunted Collector (Wednesdays, Syfy) is about a “paranormal researcher and world-renowned demonologist” who helps identify and dehaunt creepy objects; and Swamp Wars (June 12, Animal Planet), the fourth swamp-based show on TV, is about an elite team of firefighter and paramedic herpetologists. Holy moly. If you watch this, the second season is your fault: Famous Food (July 10, VH1), staring Heidi Montag, Jake Pavelka, Ashley Dupré, and Danielle Staub (among others). They open a restaurant. Jesus wept.
There’s more to music reality series than Idol.Best bet: Platinum Hit (Mondays, Bravo)The singer-songwriter version of Project Runway has plenty wrong with it: The reanimated corpse of Jewel as the host, contestants with insane egos, and the overuse of team challenges. But! Completely demystifying (and, to be fair, de-artifying) the songwriting process into pure hook-and-hit-making is thrilling in its borderline crassness. Good bets: The Glee Project (premieres June 12, Oxygen) tracks earnest Lea Michele wannabes as they compete for a seven-episode role on their favorite show. And then, of course, there’s NBC’s continuing The Voice, which you’ve already made up your mind about either way.Risky bet: Karaoke Battle U.S.A. (August 8, ABC), unless it comes with beer and friends who want to scream along. Photo: Nicole Wilder/? Bravo
What better time to spruce up your old home than when everyone is terrified to try to buy a new one?Best bet: My Yard Goes Disney (Mondays, HGTV)Throw taste to the wind and let fancy Disney designers redo your backyard like it’s part of the Magic Kingdom. Who needs lawn? You have a mini-train your kids can ride on. Good bets: HGTV’s Design Star (premieres July 11, HGTV) continues to chug along, and Home by Novogratz (July 16, HGTV) is another outing from the Nine by Design family. Risky bet: Bravo’s Million Dollar Decorators (Tuesdays, Bravo) fits the channel’s lifestyle pornography brand perfectly, so it’s partly really fun, but mostly just grotesque and emotionally abusive.
Vampires, space travelers, anyone back from the dead, etc.Best bet: Drop Dead Diva (Sundays, Lifetime)It’s a fluffy lawyer show, a back-from-the-dead romantic comedy, and a female empowerment story in one deeply earnest Lifetime show. Perfect? No. Perfect summer viewing? Pretty close. Good bets: Two years after Children of Earth, Torchwood (July 8, Starz) returns with a slightly different writing staff and more pansexual adventures. Falling Skies (June 19, TNT), Steven Spielberg’s big sci-fi alien miniseries, stars Noah Wyle as a leader of the human resistance, while Outcasts (June 18, BBC America) puts more of a sexy-times spin on the alien invasion. Alphas (July 11, Syfy) gets a boost from star David Strathairn. True Blood is big and silly and sexy, which is why it’s sometimes mistaken for being good when it’s not, but at least this season starts strong. Risky bets: Warehouse 13, Eureka, and Sanctuary all fill their niches fine, but they’re nothing special.
Miserable dudes are in.Best bet: Louie (premieres June 23, FX)Louis C.K.’s brilliantly realized autobiographical anthology avoids the conventions of just about any other half-hour comedy. Not every episode is ha-ha hilarious, but the vision and purpose week to week never wavers. Good bets: Curb Your Enthusiasm’s (July 10, HBO) move to New York will lend it even more of a Seinfeldian flavor, plus Larry David’s had plenty of time to prepare for this season. Wilfred (June 23, FX) is the oddball comedy starring Elijah Wood as a depressed dude and the dog (or man in a dog suit) with whom only he can communicate. It’s weird, in a good way. And Jon Benjamin Has a Van (June 15, Comedy Central), starring the voice of Archer and Bob of Bob’s Burgers, could probably be called Jon Benjamin Has Funny, Unrelated Ideas. Risky bets: Entourage (July 24, HBO) finishes out its run, Hot in Cleveland comes back, and Fran Drescher’s semi-autobiographical my-husband-turned-out-to-be-gay Happily Divorced (both June 15, TV Land) grates on nerves you didn’t even know existed.
They’re fancy! They win awards! And they’re (usually) good!Best bet: Breaking Bad, AMC, Sundays, 10 p.m., starting July 17 Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul each won Emmys last year for their performances, but the show’s been off for more than a year. Finally, it’s time to get back to meth-filled New Mexico. Good bets: Damages (July 13, DirecTV) can suffer from twist fatigue, but is still compelling. Men of a Certain Age (Mondays, TNT) is terrific. The Closer (July 11, TNT) is reliably tense with a side of drawling, plus it’s entering its final season; time for the big guns. Risky bet: Visionaries (Own, June 17), Oprah’s docu-series paean to the artistic. Like Will.I.Am. Tell us more about your genius, will!
Summer TV’s Best (and Worst) Bets