In a story that sounds like an alternate ending to Sunset Boulevard (or the inevitable remake with Leighton Meester. Count it!), Letterman’s Ed Sullivan was trashed by drunk, unemployed actor James Wittemore, who probably just really, really needed to drop off some headshots. Following his arrest for smashing the theater’s glass doors, damaging the lobby and, of course, peeing on everything, Whittemore told guards outside of his arraignment, “[The media] are waiting for me. They know what I did, I’m known.” He then blissfully glided down an ornate staircase, directly into jail.