On this week’s Breaking Bad, Jesse Pinkman, with his own fresh buzz cut, pulls out the shears and begins shaving heads in his meth den, which is just about exactly what showrunner Vince Gilligan has been doing since the series premiere. Ever since Walter White endured chemo and shaved his head to become Heisenberg, Breaking Bad has ruled as the baldest show on television, a bare-skinned ball of shiny bullet-heads, chrome domes, cue balls, Skeletors, and Baldilocks. What does it all mean? Does meth make your hair fall out? Are these handsome bald eagles just so good-looking that at some point their unstoppably handsome faces inevitably colonized the tops of their heads? Or do these clean-shaven and barely stubbled styles indicate that these Mr. Cleans are, in fact, spiritually dirty on the inside? Ahead, we rank the melon-head morality of Breaking Bad’s buddhas and use our Bald-o-tron to calculate these slicksters’ moral evil, on a scale of Gandhi to Voldemort.
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