Video: Judge the Bachelor Pad Contestants From Just One Sentence

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Earlier this spring we watched two dozen dudes on The Bachelorette try to prove how romantic they were by donning masks and reciting poetry written in the back of a limousine. They had to at least pretend they liked the show's star, Ashley Hebert, because, well, the only prizes were love and a little bit of fame. But on ABC's Bachelor Pad, which premiered its second season last night, almost no one pretends they are "here for love": It's clear the many Bachelor and Bachelorette alumni on the show are after the cash prize of $250,000. So who really deserves the money? To help you decide, we've created this cutdown of the entire Three. Hour. Long. episode, giving each contestant just one line to help you get a sense of who they really are. Except, of course, for contestant Melissa — poor thing, none of her dialogue made it into last night's episode. Foreshadowing?