In defense of Michele Bachmann’s HPV vaccine statement, I personally got the HPV vaccine several years ago and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t genetically alter me into a non-stop fuck train. Also, if you haven’t guessed by now, it made me profoundly mental retarded. Even more depressing than cervical cancer or the state of the Republican party, however, is the fate of Kristen Schaal’s pro-vag novelty line, which included bumper stickers, “I Have My Eye On Your Vagina” condoms and, saddest of all, a truckload of Big Mouth Billie Vaginas. “I have 10, 000 of them in my garage,” she explains to a giggly Jon Stewart. “If they all go off at once, it’s a nightmare!” Or, you know, at all.