American Horror Story Recap: I Love the Eighties (Murders)!

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AMERICAN HORROR STORY: L-R: Dylan McDermott and Denis O'Hare in the AMERICAN HORROR STORY episode MURDER HOUSE airing Wednesday, Oct 19 on FX. CR: Ray Mickshaw / FX
AMERICAN HORROR STORY: L-R: Dylan McDermott and Denis O'Hare in the AMERICAN HORROR STORY episode MURDER HOUSE airing Wednesday, Oct 19 on FX. CR: Ray Mickshaw / FX Photo: PRASHANT GUPTA
American Horror Story
Episode Title
Murder House
Season
1
Episode
3

You have to wonder what Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuck would have done if we weren't in the midst of a historic real-estate slump. Otherwise, it might be harder to logically counter the typical horror-audience screams to Just Leave the GD House Already. Thank goodness for the real-estate bubble and Bernie Madoff and the stock market, which all get their due for keeping the Harmons in their hell home. I can only imagine if the show had taken place in 1997, in seller-friendly, bull-market halcyon times. Ryan Murphy would have been so screwed! "Viv, we can't move. We … have to stay in and watch Caroline in the City."

This episode was so much setup and backstory that we didn't really get any decent scares or jaw dropping gimp-suit-sex moments, so in the ratings system I just invented five seconds ago, I'm only going to give it 2/5 potential Jarred Baby Heads. I guess now we have Tate, Moira, the Surgeon's Wife, and probably now Hayden, all just cold kicking it in the house. Not sure what we're setting up for here, but I still don't know how Tate is dead and manages to be Pacific Sunwear's most loyal customer. We'll stay tuned for that, if nothing else.