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Gossip Girl Recap Recap: Inside Inside

Lonely Boy.

This week on The Greatest Show of Our Time, portmanteaus abounded as Blair (finally?) put to rest any doubts about Dair, we all longed for Chair's resurrection, and Blouis refused to die. While almost everyone took offense at their Inside avatars, you either loved Lonely Boy for pulling his flannels out of storage and finally telling it to Serena like it is, or hated him for taking up any of Blair's screen time. Either way, Nate's mangs-trim occasioned more than one nod from the commentariat, who continue to demand an end to Louis and his microscopic expressive range. Next week, Mr. Hall returns to throw the Waspiness of the Upper East Side into sharp relief. On to this week's recap of the recap, brought to you by Lucia Martinez.

More Real Than Penn Badgley Having to Google Glass-Steagall When He Occupied Wall Street
• "Dan acknowledging the fact that while Rufus might be halfway through his book, Nate might still be struggling on page 20. Assuming that Nate actually took the time read his book what with all his work with and ON Diana Payne. +5." —LN11

• "After learning of Blair's pregnancy, Serena: 'OMG Blair, that's amazing!' Yeah, amazing that you didn't get knocked up first, Van der Boobsen. For once, we're on the same page as you. Plus 5." —NOTENOUGH

• "Nate's ok with being gay in Dan's book simply because he has game? +10 for character consistency." —BASSISBOSS

• "To Serena, professional work attire means putting your boobs away and wearing a short, skin-tight dress. But don't worry, that slouchy cardigan will class it up. Of course Serena's professional look is 'walk of shame.' Plus 20." —FEED_THE_DUCKS

• "+100 for the storyline not following The Help, with characters staying quiet about who is who. I was afraid Dorota was going to start telling Blair, 'you is kind, you is special, you is important.'" —LOVECHARLIETROUT

• "When Nate was looking at Ivy's contact list on the computer and exclaimed, 'I think I know that number..!' How many people just assumed it was his own? I did. + 5." —QUINNFABRAY

• "Nate is to show Charlie around the workplace. Imagine: 'Well, this is where we have sex. And over here, this is where we have sex. And here, this is where those old people used to work, until Elizabeth Hurley fired them so we could have sex, so now we have sex here too.' Plus 5." —PURPLEANDGREEN

• "From the way she pronounces it ('ca-SHOOE'), I'm pretty sure Serena thinks cashews are a brand, not a food stuff. +5 if she tries to get Ca' Shu involved in the next Fashion's Night Out." —HOOKEDONBASS

• "+100 for Dan realizing that only with Chuck Bass dead, Nate gay, and Robot Prince non-existent in his book would he ever get Blair Waldorf." —MEG24

• "Plus 10 for the whole awkward dog-induced hug between Chuck and Blair. Plus another 10 for the fact that Chuck probably trained him to do that around attractive women." —SCHEMINGWITHSCONES

• "Since Dan has such 'little imagination,' I wonder if he lifted any comments about Serena from some classic RotR's to pass off as his. If we could read the book I bet we'd see some stuff from Puppy, LaRue, Hazel, Gossipmom, Ducks, Anunkin, P&G, CBIMBD, etc." —CHUCKISMYHOMEBOY

• "Chuck's amusement/thinly-veiled disappointment that Dan didn't make him the gay one in the book. +10." —SEANTI69

• "About Dan's Book: Nate is not important enough to merit his own character. Kind of like on the show. +2." —CHUCKISMYPUPPY

• "Serena claims she got married in Barcelona. No, dear, you did not. You only thought you did because you were drunk and have poor Spanish skills. Serena is too brainless to correctly remember her own life. Plus 5." —BRANDIE_LARUE

• "Perhaps Dan portrayed Nate so poorly because he figured Nate would sooner cut his man bangs than open a book. Oh wait, he did cut his bangs. +10 because of course Nate thinks getting a mature haircut helps validate his new 'professional' gig." —NEVERHAVENEVERWILL

Faker Than Rufus's Hair Color This Season
• "During Dan and Blair's fantasy kiss, there was so much bad hair going on I actually brushed my own hair. Just in case. -100000." —JJOVANA3

• "Control freak Blair Waldorf is less than 2 months from getting married and we've yet to see her obsess about her must be perfect ceremony? -10 for character inconsistency or +20 if that is yet another clue this royal wedding charade isn't happening." —BASSISBOSS

• "No one — not Blair, Serena, or Nate — turned to Chuck before Dan showed up to ask, 'How in the hell do you know more about what Dan's doing than anyone else?' -5." —NELSPHIGHBERG

• "And, I can't believe the fact that the agent called Serena 'a smart cookie' was not mentioned here. Minus 100." —KALINDAFAN

• "Dan: 'Stop enjoying this so much.'
Chuck: 'You wanted me to feel something? That's a feeling.'
Will you two just drop the pretense and bone each other already? No points, just saying." —ALLIEC

• "Blair's character is actually being ruined for me by having to accept she would want to marry, raise children, and spend her life with Louis. WHY, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY? If you want to marry someone rich, dumb and pretty, Nate is available! -50." —NINAK27

• "They STICKERED Dan's name on the cover? WHAT? So down market. Minus 5." —OOHSHINY

• "There's no way Serena knows how to use the word 'reductive' or 'mystified' correctly. Minus 10." —SH1891A

• "Chuck managed to turn every line he uttered this episode dirty. Plus 10. On the other hand, he needs to stop brooding about loneliness, get his shit together, and hire a sniper to get rid of that bore of a prince. Until then, minus 50." —STILETTO33

• "I really appreciate how Dan's super-important literary agent has nothing better to do than chill around his apartment in the middle of the day, talking about a party for a book that's already in hardcover despite barely having existed long enough to go through one round of copy editing. But it all really comes together when the entire publishing world is really excited to discover the identity of a nobody author who wrote a screamingly unoriginal book about a bunch of teenagers none of them should care about." —DAHLELAMA

• "-5 for Chuck drinking Scotch out of a red wine carafe/decanter. What's next? Serena drinking her dirty martinis out of Solo cups? On second thought..." —SUGAR1985

Photo: Giovanni Rufino/The CW