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Gossip Girl Recap Recap: That Time We Fell in Love With a Puppy Named Monkey

This week, Gossip Girl continues to skirt the lines between unrealistic, really unrealistic, and complete and utter fantasy. Whether eyes are rolling out of disgust for the ridiculous antics of the U.E.S. royalty or glued to the screen infatuated with them, loyal fans will always have an opinion. Even with Blair's refusal to look at the paternity test results and Nate's steamy and schemey "internship," we were obsessed with Chuck's new BFF, Monkey, a.k.a. a puppy. Looks like everyone has emotions after all. On to this week's recap of the recap, brought to you by Kara Landsman.

Faker Than Blair's "Chemistry" With Prince Louis
• "Minus 5 for Rufus supposedly having ANY pull with a judge. What did he do, make him waffles?" —HARUMSCARUM

• "Minus 20 for Dan stalking and playing psychologist/judge to everyone. Wasn't that why we got rid of Vanessa?" —MEG24

• "I think I watch enough drama to know that you can't do a paternity test that early in the pregnancy! Minus 50." —WHATHAVEIGOTMYSELFINTO

• "Nate talks about managing both his internship and school. When was the last time he (or any of the cast for that matter) saw the insides of classroom or picked up a book? Minus 3." —AMALA83

• "Minus 100 for not a single UESider having their phone locked...Really???!!!" —ANUNKINDRAVENBASS

• "And Serena, stop with the Vanessa jewelry. Just stop. Minus 5." —CHUCKISMYPUPPY

• "Lily was supposed to have redecorated numerous times during her house arrest, yet the apartment appears the same. Minus 2." —KARLILAUREN

• "'My fairy tale is complicated' — REALLY BLAIR????? Minus 10000." —JJOVANA3

• "Doesn't Charlie/Ivy have any belongings? She just moves mindlessly around the country with only one bag filled with awful clothing? Minus 3." —BRANDIE_LARUE

• "Why has Dan worn the same gray t-shirt in every episode this season, especially to formal events? It's October! Where are his flannels? Minus 10." —GIMMEYOURPOTIONS

• "You know they're giving up on the show because they keep playing songs that have been on the radio months ago (i.e: Pumped Up Kicks, Hello) Minus 50." —LPYCB42

• "Dan's hair. Minus 1000." —CHRIS86

• "And Minus 10 for Blair not having tons of her favorite pie sent to the house as a pregnancy craving." —LDCLUNA

• "Dan's missing chest fluff has gone straight to his head. Literally. Minus 5" —NIKOLE0602

More Real Than Dan Getting Published Without Even Trying
• "Plus One Million for the last scene, which managed to soften even my own cold, black heart." —ALLIEC

• "Plus 5 for 'Zabars Zombie.'" —NOTENOUGH

• "Plus 10 for Nate believing that Gossip Girl only 'whispers about stuff that's already out there,' as if GG doesn't live for a scoop. He's an adorable ignoramus." —CRABTREEACRES

• "Blair and Lily have mentioned Alaia dresses—it's like a totally important designer. Plus 10." —DREENYC

• "Lily plays Angry Birds. Plus 50." —UESIDERZ

• "Ivy didn't realize before Blair told her that she could blackmail Carol? Maybe she is a Rhodes after all, we know intelligence does not run in the family. Plus 3." —HOYAGIRL05

•"Dan has a Brooklyn Bridge photo as his phone background. Plus 5." —CATCHMESOMEBASS

• "Of course Dan got Chuck a Brooklyn terrier instead of an UES purebred/ 'designer' mutt. Plus 5." —HARLOWBLAIR

• "Plus 5 for Chuck channeling John Malkovich in tone, delivery, and facial expression in his responses to Blair. —ELLECAT

• "Chuck has more chemistry with his Dog than Blair has with her Fiancé. Not sure if that's a plus or minus... Plus 10 to Chu-nkey I suppose." —NURSELUVBASS

• "Plus 50 for Chuck's dog Monkey ... awwww! Love it!" —BOWTIESANDHEADBANDS

• "Nate walks in the door and immediately runs to Chuck's dog like a five-year-old easily lured into a van. Accurate. Plus 50." —FEED_THE_DUCKS

• "Also, I'm so pleased that next week we learn that Dan has been writing fan fiction about the show this whole time. And, as in all good fan fiction, Nate is gay. Plus 50." —TRUMPETSTRUMPET

• "Serena thinks her one year at Columbia plus her just seeing Charlie qualifies her to make a psychiatric evaluation. Boobs-for-brains strikes again! Plus 1." —JNP1013

• "Chuck names his dog Monkey. Plus 5. Nice book series reference." —SCHEMINGWITHSCONES

Photo: Giovanni Rufino/The CW