Normally we would be teary-eyed saying good-bye to our Jersey Shore friends, but we're cheered up knowing that everyone has something to fall back on: endorsement deals, D.J. gigs, acting jobs. We hear that Vinny Guadag-nine-0210 is the new Brian Austin Orange. It has also been reported that SamRon broke up. In unrelated news, several futons were reported missing, pooped on, and thrown across the street. Put away your pasta sauce and your homemade Jersey Shore action figures because it's time to Occupy Ball Street one last time! All good things must come to an end, and this zesty Italian season must too. Nothing gold ... or brown ... or covered in broken glass and red wine can stay! To the arrivederci dirty dozen!
We close this magical Italian season with Mike declaring that he has no problem being the villain and an ominous "Say hello to the bad guy." They race to the airport: Snooki says if the flight left without them...she would kill herself. Trust us, the entire country is going to hold the plane for you. We can't wait to see you all back in the States and look forward to ordering our Team Meatball Cuca Catcher from the SkyMall catalogue!