Modern Family Recap: ‘Hit and Run’

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Everyone was a vigilante this week on Modern Family. Well, the men were. The women stayed home and talked about their problems, then used their boobs to help the men.

Jay is pissed off because a young hotshot client (Samm Levine) is more concerned with flash than substance, giving no direction on a project other than “wow me.” Since we’re constantly told that Jay is a successful businessman, it’s fun to actually see him at work. And especially fun to see him in the subordinate role. Put-upon and misunderstood (by Neal Schweiber of all people!), he’s ready to crush some skullz.

Cam and Mitchell are also ready for skull-crushing after they get rear-ended by a hit-and-run driver (hey, that’s the title of the episode!). In an unrelated plotline, they also accidentally watch the first two musical numbers of the Muppet movie? Which, of course, brings them dangerously close to incurring the wrath of Lily for seeing it without her. God, I can’t wait for the episode when she really blows up at someone.

Phil, too, needs to prove himself when he messes up in one afternoon of watching the kids, giving Luke a black eye and sending Alex into a drowsy medicine-induced coma. Phil Fist Names of the Week: England Dan and John Ford Coley, or alternatively, Crosby and Stills (his feet being Nash and Young).

But before too long, the men get their opportunity to be men! Haley’s given money to her friend’s cousin’s friend for fake-IDs, but she gets shafted. (Interestingly, the fake-ID guy was also on Community last week and the New Girl pilot. Someone’s agent deserves a bonus!) The dudes of the family go after him, and eventually it’s Mitchell who tackles him while complimenting his skinny jeans.

Meanwhile, in the land of women…Claire is thinking of running for city council against the calculatedly sassy Duane Bailey (David Cross). Though she pretends she can’t leave Phil alone with the kids, she confesses to Gloria that she’s afraid to fail at her first independent venture in a long time. Gloria, who just wants to help somebody after being blown off by Manny and Jay, tells Claire a highly unencouraging story about her ugly cousin who lost a beauty pageant and then got hit by a bus (“but she faced her fears!”). Claire will run after all! Hurray! Someone needs to put that Duane Bailey in his place.

Finally, though the men have proven they can be manly men on their manly own, Jay accepts Gloria’s help with his work problem. I guess that’s heartwarming, even though he mostly just uses her cleavage to “wow” Samm Levine.

The true unsung Dirty Harry of the episode is neither a woman nor a man, but a Luke. Best sight gag of the episode: Luke keeps his money in a block of ice because he heard someone talk about frozen assets once. We all have a lot to learn from him.