If you missed last night's American Music Awards, allow us to summarize in one sentence: Taylor Swift won everything (Artist of the Year, Favorite Country Album, and Favorite Country Artist), and she looked less surprised than usual. Swift's buddy Nicki Minaj also picked up a couple of awards — she dutifully thanked T Swizzle for the success of "Super Bass" — and someone or something named Hot Chelle Rae is your nation's favorite new artist. But given the arbitrariness of the AMAs (nominees are determined by some convoluted radio rubric? Winners are determined by online vote? Katherine Heigl's sad husband had to explain at one point, and even he didn't care), most of last night's focus was on the performances, and man, were they ridiculous. Jennifer Lopez decided to re-create her Fiat commercial onstage; Kelly Clarkson introduced "Mr. Know It All" with a mini-staging of Newsies. At one troubling point, Chris Brown was dancing with four projected versions of himself onstage. But the most ridiculous moment was reserved for the finale, when LMFAO brought Justin Bieber (in yellow snakeskin pants) out to do the running man for ten seconds during the inescapable "Party Rock Anthem." Then, to top things off, Hasselhoff appeared and immediately stripped down to smiley-face underwear. Remarkably, the audience (shielded by 3-D glasses) didn't seem to find this all that objectionable, though Vulture did wonder how many AMA voters were shocked to learn that LMFAO is not a pop group made up of dancing hamsters. Anyway, you can check out the insanity below, or you can just watch this infinitely more pleasing Teletubbie recut of "Party Rock Anthem." The choice is yours.