According to Patton Oswalt, the moment that stole last night's Gotham Awards, when he presented a career tribute to his Young Adult co-star Charlize Theron and then was forced by her to stay onstage as she made her acceptance speech, began at the dinner table. "I only finished half my plate," he told Vulture later, "because she was making fun of how fucking fat I am, so I stopped eating, started drinking wine, and I was writing all these mean things about her. She hands me my ass every five minutes and that makes me go at her even harder. She's a comedian's gift. She made that speech that good." His speech, in truth, wasn't very hard-hitting (watch it after the jump), though he did spend an inordinate amount of time harping on how her first credit on IMDb was in 1995 as "Uncredited teenager in Children of the Corn 3." As the reel of clips began, he warned the audience, "We couldn't get the rights. It's just going to be Children of the Corn 3 in its entirety. I'm sorry. Get some more wine. We'll make it through this."
Throughout Theron's sincere speech, Oswalt provided comic interjections, like, "Why do you want to see this [indicating Theron] next to this, like, weird bridge troll that's been let loose? This is sad. This is like, 'Let's have Aphrodite sit next to a bag of flour.'" Then the two, noticing David Cronenberg, another career tribute winner, in the audience, got in a fight over who watches Dead Ringers more. Both, we found out later, own the movie not on DVD, but on laser disc, but Theron wins for being the only one who actually visits a gynecologist and sometimes wishes he were Jeremy Irons. Which, if you've seen the movie, is a rather sick fantasy. Here's our exchange in the press room:
You also addressed David Cronenberg from stage and said you watched Dead Ringers a million times. That's a weird movie to love. What about it made you obsessed?
I just, I had a massive crush on Jeremy Irons, and when I met my gynecologist, I was like, "Wait a second. You're not Jeremy Irons. You don't look like Jeremy Irons at all!"
Publicist Amanda Silverman: That's pretty creepy. That's really weird.
Theron: I love that movie! I love that movie! I LOOOOVE that movie! I was obsessed with that movie for a while. I remember when the first DVD players came out with the big round things.
Laser discs! I had that on laser disc and I studied that for a while.
You and Patton were arguing onstage over which one of you had seen Dead Ringers more times.
I just do that for show. I think it's a good thing for the movie [Young Adult] to make it look like we get along, right? But we do not get along. At. All. I think Paramount paid him to pretend.
Have you met Jeremy Irons?
No, I haven't, and now he probably won't want to meet me after he's heard how obsessed I was.
And once you tell him you always picture him as a twin gynecologist.
Does anyone think of him any different? [To publicist.] You don't even know what I'm talking about.
Publicist: Yes, I do. I've seen it.
Theron: Oh, really?! You're freaky!
Publicist: Isn't it based on a true story?
Theron: No, it's not. No, it's not! By the way, when I mentioned Dead Ringers, Cronenberg's face was just like [blank stare], like, "I'm not impressed. Not impressed at all."
I thought you doing the Dead Ringers shout-out was a shameless bid to get in a Cronenberg movie.
Well, I am shameless. How do you think I got Jason Reitman to work with me? [Dorky voice.] "I really like Up in the Air."
Publicist: Let's wrap this up. It's going [to] dark [places].
Okay, so what movie besides Young Adult did you like this year?
I feel really bad because I've been working so much I've really kind of missed out. I'm really excited to just sit on my couch and watch screeners, but flying back and forth I watched that Ewan McGregor film Beginners, and, yeah, I just really loved it. I had a couple of moments where I was like [mimes crying], "Why are they serving dessert right now?" Like, the stewardess would come by and I'd be like, [mimes weeping and holding out hands for food]. And the dog, and when he's, like, introducing the house. [Puts hand on heart.] It's just such a great film, a really, really great film.
And you were obviously in first class since you got dessert on your flight.
Do you not get dessert in coach?!
I'm a lucky bitch! I don't take it for granted. One day, trust me.