The Harmon home has become one crowded house. American Horror Story goes into its first-season finale after stuffing its main set with at least two dozen ghosts, with more sure to be added after tonight. It's a wonder that Ben, Viv, and Violet took so long to notice all the supernatural shenanigans afoot, considering that they've got the numerical equivalent of an erratically populated frat house living in their Hancock Park manse! (Well, maybe it's not a wonder that Ben took so long to notice. He is a handsome idiot, after all.) With all those spirits trapped in the Harmon home, we thought it was time for a roll call. Our rules: The ghosts only qualify for this list if they've appeared on-screen in ghost form, so no extra characters are included who were introduced in FX's backstory-expanding promotional websites. It's packed enough in there already!
The most recent inductee into American Horror Story's Ghost Hall of Fame, Harmon family matriarch Vivien (or just "Viv," if you're Ben and you're bellowing) was raped during her first night in the house, nearly murdered by psychopaths just days later, and never even got to sleep with that hot black security guard she was eyeing. Poor Viv!
Cause of Death: Expired after delivering two children/nearing the end of Connie Britton's one-season contract.
The Harmon family daughter, a lost soul teetering on "emo" but without the necessary commitment to raccoon eye makeup to get her all the way there.
Cause of Death: After learning that her cute blond boyfriend was a dead murderer, she overdosed on pills. Well, that's one way to handle it.
A troubled twink who loves Violet unabashedly but comes with a number of upsetting qualifiers: He raped her mother and fathered a baby with her, he murdered several innocent high school students, he set his own mother's boyfriend on fire, he's a homophobe who viciously killed a gay couple, and he rifles through your CD collection and says things like "Got any Kurt Cobain?" No one says that. Dump him, Violet!
Cause of Death: Shot so, so many times by a SWAT team after carrying out his high school massacre. We get it, SWAT team. He's totally dead!
Sometimes young and foxy, sometimes old and nobly suffering, always wearing a deeply anachronistic maid's uniform.
Cause of Death: Shot in the eye by Constance (Jessica Lange) after sleeping with her husband.
Constance's husband. Not afraid to offer a Camaro to someone after a bit of the ol' rumpy-pumpy.
Cause of Death: Shot by Constance.
The student Ben had his affair with, which threatened to destroy his marriage to Vivian. Initially kind of low-key, Hayden quickly realized what show she was on and went ultracrazy in the space of one episode, then just started trying to kill people right and left after getting ghosted.
Cause of Death: While musing on the relative juiciness of hamburgers, she was stone-cold smacked in the head with a shovel by Denis O'Hare in the show's most hilariously shocking murder. A good way to go out!
The peculiarly young and hot boyfriend to eccentric Constance. When it comes to intelligence, he and Ben could form a der-duh-doy club. (They are both pretty! They don't need to learn things.)
Cause of Death: Stabbed by Hayden and then cut up, mangled, and discarded in a manner that earned him the nickname "The Boy Dahlia."
Alby from Big Love! In this show, he is an ether-lovin' mad doctor who performs abortions, snaps at his wife, and sews human babies onto other things that are not human nor baby. As you do.
Cause of Death: Shot by his wife, Nora.
The deliciously fluttery wife to Charles Montgomery, she exists mostly to walk into rooms and tremble about how "not right" everything is. She would host a terrifically compelling home-improvement show on HGTV, we feel.
Cause of Death: She killed herself after killing her husband. On the plus side, she has an amazing wardrobe of slip dresses accessible to her as a ghost.
Otherwise known as Thaddeus, he's the suuuper-weird kinda-baby kinda-everything-else hybrid who lives in the Harmons' basement. He initially seemed sort of important, but he never got to rape any major characters or fall in love. Maybe Season 2, little guy!
Cause of Death: The son of Charles and Nora Montgomery, he was kidnapped and dismembered by the boyfriend of one of Charles's patients. Luckily, his dad decided to sew him back together in an ultra-creepy, "why not throw in some wings" kind of way.
The Redheaded Twins
Named Troy and Brian, they enjoy making five-second appearances every other episode to thrown bang snaps on the ground or generally unsettle the living.
Cause of Death: Killed by the Infantata in the basement.
The wife and two daughters to Denis O'Hare's Larry. He decided to ditch them to be with Jessica Lange. They did not take that well.
Cause of Death: Self-immolation!
Another one of Jessica Lange's children. Despite his unusually mangled face and grunty monster personality, he never formed a bromance with the Infantata, and we would have put money on that.
Cause of Death: Smothered by Larry in the attic, where he was already chained up. Well, it's not like that changed his situation all that much.
Played by Zachary Quinto as a viperous dispenser of insider gay vocabulary (The Abbey, Rage, Grindr, et al.), he found himself surprised in every single episode that his tracksuited boyfriend Patrick wasn't all that into him. Ghosts don't really get it!
Cause of Death: Drowned in an apple-bobbing bucket by Tate, who was dressed in an S&M rubber suit. Way to steal a plot point from Tintin, writers!
Chad's blond boyfriend, who is probably still mad that his callback for Eric on True Blood came to naught.
Cause of Death: Well, uh, he was beaten by Tate/Rubber Man, who helpfully exposed his jiggling buttocks before shoving a poker in between them. Between this and Nip/Tuck, where Julian McMahon was put through almost this exact same scenario (except there he was raped by a dildo-wielding serial killer ... we know, that episode description is not specific enough), we're starting to wonder what Ryan Murphy's deal is with this tableau.
The Dead Nurses
Two girls who were quickly dispatched to a Bernard Hermann score in the second episode, though they made a clever reappearance to help deliver Vivien's baby in the most recent hour.
Cause of Death: One was stabbed, and one was drowned in the bathtub.
The Murder Reenactors
Three kooky weirdos who infiltrated the Harmon house in 2011 to reenact the dead nurse murders.
Cause of Death: Let's see ... one was axed by Tate, one had her throat slit by Tate, and one was murdered in the basement by the ghosts of the dead nurses. UPDATE: As the commenters rightly pointed out, one of these re-enactors actually made it out of the house before totally expiring. However, we've still got a total count of 24 ghosts if you include the exterminator Tate killed. God, Tate! So murderous!
The Black Dahlia
What caused the death of famous starlet Elizabeth Short, better known as the Black Dahlia? According to American Horror Story, it was a perfect storm of random guest stars, including Mena Suvari and Joshua Malina.
Cause of Death: Oh, you know, she just overdosed on nitrous while her dentist was sleep-raping her. No biggie!
UPDATE: In the interest of comprehensiveness, we feel compelled to note that after the finale, the total number of ghosts in the house stands at 26.