Avery Jessup Obviously Killed Kim Jong Il, Right?


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The most pressing consequence of Kim Jong Il’s death is clearly how 30 Rock will use the news to resolve its Avery Jessup kidnapping plotline. Here is one possibility, taken directly from the pages of my brand new 30 Rock spec script, entitled “Seoul Assassins”:

INT. JACK’S OFFICE - DAYLiz enters.Liz: Jack, would you please come downstairs and explain to Tracy that the NBC peacock is not trying to eat him?Jack: Not now, Lemon, I need to confess something. I’m telling you because you are the least politically connected person in Manhattan, including the family that lives inside the dumpster on 79th Street.Liz: Yeah, did you know they get CSPAN in there?Jack: Avery sent me a message this morning at a special radio frequency that only people over a certain level of attractiveness can hear. Liz: That’s not a thing.Jack: Avery is the one who killed Kim Jong Il. She throttled him using only a bottle cap and a velcro hair roller!Liz: That’s how her hair gets smooth like that!Jack: If the North Korean replacement government made of animated Kim Jong Il keychains gets wind of this, there’s no telling what they’ll do to her.Liz: What could they do that’s worse than keeping her hostage and forcing her to marry Kim Jong Il’s son?Jack: Have you seen a North Korean game show, Lemon?He flips on the TV to reveal a brightly-colored show with the chyron “Infinity Terrible” superimposed over Korean characters and a montage of miserable contestants being slowly submerged in giant containers of plastic hamburgers and having their feet prodded with pointy candy canes.Liz: That’s not great.