The teaser for G.I. Joe: Retaliation just debuted online, and it may not be quite what you were expecting. There's action galore, but it's grittier and more realistic than it was in its predecessor (at least, as realistic as a movie can be when it still has ninjas who look like fencing champions). It's also directed by Jon Chu, of Step Up 3-D and Justin Bieber: Never Say Never fame, and yet there doesn't seem to be any water-dancing or hairdo-shaking. Perhaps most important, remember when we wondered how Paramount would market the G.I. Joe sequel since its star, Channing Tatum, is also toplining the male-stripper epic Magic Mike, opening the exact same day? The answer is: They basically get rid of him! In fact, there's so little Tatum in this trailer that we wonder if he gets, well, Gwyneth-in-Contagioned (yes, that is a verb). Luckily, the Joes have Dwayne Johnson, Adrianne Palicki, and D.J. Cotrona there to pick up the slack, as well as a late-trailer cameo from ... you know, we won't spoil it, except to say that when this star first appeared, we thought it was the de-aged Jessica Lange from all those CG-aided flashbacks in American Horror Story. Turns out, it isn't!
Most Viewed Stories
It’s Friday: Cry Watching Tracy Chapman Sing ‘Stand by Me’ to David Letterman, or Maybe Just Cry From the Relief of a Work Week Finished
Stephen Colbert, World's Biggest Star Wars Fan, Interviewed George Lucas and Somehow Didn't Freak Out
Official (Not-Blurry) Batman V Superman Trailer Released
How Spike’s Lip Sync Battle Became Such a Stunning Success
Bill Pullman Reelected for Independence Day 2
Kevin James Movies Have a Kevin James Problem
Marvel Unveils Beautiful NYC-Themed Covers in the Wake of DC Moving to California
Ice Cube Is Rightfully Proud of ‘Bye, Felicia’
Was a J.Lo Cameo in Anna Kendrick’s ‘Booty’ Lip Sync Enough to Beat John Krasinski in a Dress?
Why Cristela Deserves to Get a Second Season
Latest News from VultureOutlander’s Lotte Verbeek on Geillis’s Reveal, Feminism, and Dancing Naked
"Once you think you know her, you turn out to not know her at all."Outlander Recap: The Witch of Blackbird Loch
Did Claire time-travel only to get burned at the stake?Orphan Black Season Premiere Recap: Count Your Sisters
Welcome back, Clone Club!Jay Z Wins Court Case, Now Owns His Album Masters
Go and brush ya shoulders off.Dominic Cooper Will Meet God in Preacher
God said, “Let there be light,” and there was Dominic Cooper.Bill Pullman Reelected for Independence Day 2
Pullman will not go quietly into the night.Shia LaBeouf Explains How His Sia Video Is Like Scarface
At a Tribeca Film Festival Q&A.Damon Albarn Sounds Sad On Blur's Moody New Song
He's running out of heart today.Marvel Unveils Beautiful NYC-Themed Covers in the Wake of DC Moving to California
Ms. Marvel on the High Line!Cristela Creator Writes Poignant Letter About Her Show
"I’m a real person and this show is about real people."
Spoiler warning!Official (Not-Blurry) Batman V Superman Trailer Released
Why so serious, Zack?Stephen Colbert, World's Biggest Star Wars Fan, Interviewed George Lucas and Somehow Didn't Freak Out
The two shared the stage as part of the Tribeca Talks: Directors series.Tina Fey–Narrated Monkey Kingdom Makes the Wild Familiar
Tina Fey's narration is full of humor and warmth.Movie Review: The Dead Lands Is a Streamlined, Relentless Action Film
Like a typical action movie that's been sawed off and sanded down.Furious 7 Made a Billion Dollars in Just 17 Days
Zoom.It’s Friday: Cry Watching Tracy Chapman Sing ‘Stand by Me’ to David Letterman, or Maybe Just Cry From the Relief of a Work Week Finished
For you, Dave.Daredevil Recap: Black Sky
Matt can tell when someone is in love, or dying, or the exact emotional needs of a dog.Tidal CEO to Be Replaced
Probably not on Hov's call list today.Felicity Jones on True Story, Star Wars, and Oscar Season
"It's a pinch-me moment."
Pure torture.12 Years a Slave’s John Ridley Is Secretly Working With Marvel on a New TV Series
How mysterious.Watch Rose Byrne and Nick Kroll Freak Out in Jane Krakowski’s Swim Class
From their new movie Adult Beginners.Sundance Standout Dope Has a Trailer and It’s Dope
You are dope.Why Cristela Deserves to Get a Second Season
It will be a damn shame if this winning comedy is canceled.Matthew McConaughey Fanboyed Out to the Star Wars Trailer, Just Like the Rest of Us
So many tears.Child 44 Wastes a Great Cast and Premise
How can a movie starring Tom Hardy, Noomi Rapace, Joel Kinnaman, and Gary Oldman be so bad?Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 Sure Is Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
Did you notice that Blart rhymes with fart?After 53 Years, It’s Time to Say Good-bye to Univision’s Sábado Gigante
Adiós, amigo.Kevin James Movies Have a Kevin James Problem
The comedian's movies don't understand what he does best.
Forget vampires; this is Snapchat.Thanks to WikiLeaks, You Can Now Search Through All the Leaked Sony Emails
Julian Assange strikes again.Was a J.Lo Cameo in Anna Kendrick’s ‘Booty’ Lip Sync Enough to Beat John Krasinski in a Dress?
Sometimes you're just a man in a dress.Scandal Recap: Back, But Never Here
Welcome back, Papa Pope!If You Want to Have Sex in a Box While People Watch, You’re Going to Have to Do It on Your Own Time Now
RIP, Sex Box.Tatiana Maslany Talks Orphan Black, Clone Origin Stories, and Sarah and Felix’s Incredible Loft
"They're not going to give up that real estate."True Story Finds Jonah Hill and James Franco Playing ‘Serious Actors’ Instead of Actually Acting
It is definitely no Jinx.The Vampire Diaries Recap: What If?
We don’t know how Elena’s story will end, but we do know our lives will not be the same without her.Sarah Jessica Parker Is Returning to HBO and Fictional New York City
Carrie's back. Kinda.Animated Louis C.K. Animal Movie Gets a Name and Release Date
The Secret Life of Pets — with an amazing and not-so-secret cast!
In the 1940s.Oops, Part of the Batman v Superman Trailer Leaked
Watch it while it lasts.Louis C.K. Thinks He Shouldn’t Smoke Pot or Tweet
He is right about one of these things.David Hasselhoff Kickflips a Car, Is a ‘True Survivor’
In the music video for Kung Fury's lead track.The Story Behind That Hilarious Poop Scene on Louie
"Four years I've been saying to Louie, 'Please. Please do this scene.'"Louie Recap: Friends, Sex, Love, Marriage, Divorce, Ruin
The one with the masterfully done poop joke.Here’s a Clearer Look at Jared Leto’s Joker
Thanks, Snapchat.Theater Review: Shall We Dance Once Again? The King and I Returns
Darker, richer, sadder, better than you may remember.This Unfriended Meme Might Just Be Better Than the Movie
Boo!A Very Emotional Shot-by-Shot Reaction to the Star Wars Teaser
You win, Disney.