For How I Met Your Mother’s six seasons, Ted has been the type of guy who dates ideas, not people defined by, you know, their personalities. They’re a jumble of names, physical features, professions, pop culture interests and are usually played by vaguely familiar actresses or ”actresses” (i.e. Carrie Underwood). Since it seems like the show is not going to reveal a Mom anytime soon, here is our 10 best guesses of whom he might date next:
1) Marisa (Kate Micucci): She quit her job as a New Jersey bridal registrar and moved to Manhattan to be a cartoonist. Ted is conflicted when a fight of there’s ends up as a New Yorker cartoon.
2) Olivia (Riki Lindhome): She is a bass player in a Unicorns cover band. She only wears green and the gang debates if she idolizes Kermit, the Philadelphia Fanatic, or that sexy M&M.
3) Harper (Girl From T-Mobile Ads): She is slightly taller than Ted but he deals with it by wearing his red cowboy boots, which she agrees he pulls off. She does A&R for world music label and literally says, “ahchu” when she sneezes.
4) Isabella (Jessica Paré): Ted calls her Izzie. They meet because he mistakes her for Harper. She is a writer; Ted refers to her as a “novelist” but the gang calls her “Isablogger.”
5) Esmeralda (Dia Frampton): Ted calls her Ezzie. She only wears slacks because of Annie Hall. She works as a designer at a hip slacks company. Ted wears weird pants for a five episode arc.
6) Ava (Michelle Trachtenberg): One of her eyes is larger than the other but it’s OK because she wears glasses. She runs an modern art gallery that everyone audibly hates but Lily who pretends to like it until Ted and Ava break up.
7) Daniel (Michael Gladis): He is man and is also an architect. They met at James’s sons 1st birthday party and they are perfect together. The gang approve and are not surprised, considering his inability to find a wife and all.
8) Emma (Lindsey Broad): She is a teacher at Lily’s school but, in her spare time, she’s writing a screenplay set backstage at a children’s variety show. When Ted learns she’s Jewish, he wonders if it goes against his idealized vision of a church wedding.
9) Caroline (Beth Behrs): A shrewd cross-promotion by CBS, where each guest-stars on the other’s show. Caroline was raised rich but now is a broke girl trying to start a cupcake company. Ted hates that she lives in Brooklyn and so does she.
10) Robin (Colbie Smulders): Yep, sure. Why not? It doesn’t really make sense in the show’s narrative but the election is heating up so Kumar’s going to have to return to the Obama campaign soon. They were fun together, right? Right. Maybe, it will transition her into marrying Barney. That would be legen…
Jesse David Fox is a freelance writer, cat person, and Jew (in that order). He lives in Brooklyn. DARY!
