How Mark Twain Made Robbery Lemons Into Comedy Lemonade

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Man, Mark Twain was holding down the early 20th century comedy scene like a champion. After he was robbed in 1908, Twain wrote a notice for all future burglars and posted it on his front door. It includes all sorts of helpful advice for those interested in thievery:

There is nothing but plated ware in this house, now and henceforth. You will find it in that brass thing in the dining-room over in the corner by the basket of kittens. If you want the basket, put the kittens in the brass thing.